A new thread, a new outlook.....

[Can it work]

Thanks for your input Naej

I wonder if it's something which is looked upon differently on different sides of the pond? I know for my part that it's considered quite normal to hang about with both men and women. I've lived in different parts of the country on occasion too and it's something that never seemed out of the ordinary no matter where I was.

Kev

[MsMelancoly]

I hang out with male & female friends as well. Strange, but most of my friends, simply friends or acquaintances are men.

[Can it work]

I can definitely relate to that MsM. It's an intersting topic actually. I'm the same as you but in the other way. It's not intentional or anything but that's just how it turned out. Normally on a night out it'll be with a mixed sex group. We all take our turns at buying the drinks and there's never any romantic action within the group. There's often some action outside the group but never within. I suppose it may seem quite odd to some people.

Kev

[Can it work]

Just thought I'd come on and do a bit of journaling. Not really had anything much to say about my sitch lately.

I had a great sleep last night and for once never had bad dreams about my W. Can't remember having any good ones either but I can live with that. I woke up feeling really refreshed for the first time in ages.

I have Wee Man this weekend which I'm looking forward to. I've also asked my Mum to come in and stay tomorrow night because she wants to spend some time with him too. It'll be fine to have the company for myself too to be honest. Next weekend my W is taking Wee Man away to visit her brother in another part of Scotland. She'll be away from the Saturday until the Wednesday so I'll not get him on my regular Tuesday and Wednesday nights that week. We did say we'd be flexible though so I guess this is one of those times. I'm going to hopefully get past to bath him the night before they leave though and then see him the night he comes home. I don't want to go a whole week between visits. I'm sure she'll be ok about that.

I'm sort of wondering if there's anything else I should be doing to try and save my M. I know that right now I'm probably doing the right things and there's going to be a lot of waiting to do to see if I can see any real improvements but I just wonder if there's anything else. I should really contact a DB Coach again but I've just bought myself a whole load of new furniture so I'm going to wait till my finances recover from that a bit. Any ideas from posters here will be greatly appreciated though. I'm not really looking for GAL ideas because to be honest I think I have that covered. I'm struggling to find free time at the moment to do anything else. What I'm looking for is some clever ideas on how to get some kind of positive reaction from my W.

My FIL came past on Wednesday night to watch the football and share a bottle of wine. It was really pleasant to catch up. I almost miss my in-laws as much as I miss my W.

Anyhoo, better get back to work.

Kev

[Can it work]

Isn't it strange sometimes when something seems to give you a boost for no particular reason? I've just come back from lunch and found myself having a new found confidence in my ability to fix my M.

I was e-mailing a friend this morning and we were discussing another friend and how she never seemed to wear dresses (random conversation but there was a point to it). Anyway, I'd said that I was sure that she'd worn a dress to my wedding but I'd go home and check the photos to be sure. Turns out she was wearing a dress but that's not really the point to this post. It's been a long time since I looked through my wedding photos because I thought it would be too painful. To be honest, it had the opposite effect. In all the photos, my W was looking so happy I couldn't help but smile with every page turn of the album. Looking at myself in them too, I saw that I've definitely lost weight and look better than I did back then. It convinced me that my W can obviously find me attractive because she has before. Most importantly though it showed me that I have the ability to make her happy. I did it for a long time. Somewhere along the lines though, we lost our way and things took a turn for the worst. Nothing lasts forever though and I am more confident now than I have been in months. I know I was getting better within myself and really managing to GAL but I don't know if I was ever confident in my ability to turn this sitch round. Now I believe it may be possible.

What a pleasant lunch!

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Great attitude Kev.

In regards to new things to do to improve M. My DB coach said if everything is going well, try sending funny little e-mails or texts and see if you get any reactions.

Eg. a funny story about WeeMan. Anything that would make her laugh or she might find endearing. Then wait. Don't do it too often. Just once in a while. See if you get any reaction, an e-mail back or a comment a few days laTer, anything. Keep your eyes and ears open.

Now, I don't know what the followup would be since I have not gotten past this stage yet but I think DB coach wants to just test the waters to see if our spouses are amenable to a pleasant interaction or some sort of light emotional bond ( my guess). Good luck!

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Kev, Just remember you cannot make her happy. You can share in her happiness though. Also remember everyone has their own timeline. Maybe as summer & nice weather rolls around, you can ask your W to do some fun things with you & Weeman. Stay the course, you're doing great!!

[PositivelyMommy]

Hey Kev,

How is the writing course going?

[JCJ]

Hi Kev

I thought I'd say hi as a fellow UKer! I've read through your thread and I love your attitude. I think you are doing an excellent job at building friendship with your wife. With regards to friends of the opposite sex, I have male friends too and see no issue, pub culture etc lends itself to that, however that woman sounded like she was interested... jmo

I loved your last post, what a great place to be. Keep positive, I think it rubs off

[Can it work]

To be honest, I don't think my W is interested in me right now. It stems from what I've read on here so far. My W isn't showing me love or hatred. She's pretty much showing me indifference. That's probably the worst sign.

I'm not giving up though. I just have to build myself beyond that.

By the way, MsM, I know I can't make her happy. It's my job to make me happy. Hopefully she'll come along for the ride though.

PM, the writing course is going really good. They're keeping me on my toes. I'm impressed you remember about that. Well, unless I've mentoined it leately and can't remember. I'm hoping to sell my first piece real soon. Fingers crossed it does well.

JCJ, it's great to hear from you. I've read many of your posts and found your advice to be spot on. Thank you so much for your support. You're right, I am trying to build a friendship with my W but I have no indication of whether it's working or not. She's treating me with indifference right now and that makes it hard. At the end of the day though, it's all about what I feel comfortable doing. I am an attractive person and I have a lot going for me. Hopefully one day my W will see that. If not, I'll still be the same person and I'll be open to offers!!! Lol.