She claimed she broke it off and that the physical part was over the day she came home. Then the next day she claimed she didn't know if she could stop. She talked to me everyday after for 3 days and now contact has become more and more limited. So, at this point she is not claiming anything. Her mom did ask her the other day if she was in contact w/ OM and she told her mom that she was not going to talk about OM w/ her or me anymore--could mean that she is in contact or that she's trying to get over him. I'm leaning towards the first explanation. If so, I feel I will be forced to expose her to her command and subsequently file for divorce. I honestly am a terrible mess.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
AFWAW, If you could get proof that command would use it would be best...not at first as she will hate you. But, as long as this is still going on, even if it is an inappropriate relationship with an officer, you will find that your marriage is at best in a holding pattern with what you have right now...Puppy is correct that it is best to know. Again, I wonde what is going on. It is very unusual for a MSgt (your wife) to have had what must be common knowledge in her section an affair with four different people and have an ongoing affair with a Lt Col married to a Col. The potential to ruin careers and the possible loss of retirement money is hundreds of thousands of dollars. For him to have a key to the apartment, frequent stops, calling his wife from the apartment, keeping personal items, etc... Do you have someone you trust to be quiet to go with you and stakeout the apartment? If you could get video it would help you start the exposure train rolling. Will your wife be back from Atlanta and you expect the OM to show up because they have not seen each other for two days? Is he staying in the apartment with her? What about the other two/three OM? Congrats on the job offer...SMSgt is still better in the long run for your financial security...GS jobs are always popping up. Take care, stay busy, focus on your PT program to avoid the bad moments.
Her mom did ask her the other day if she was in contact w/ OM and she told her mom that she was not going to talk about OM w/ her or me anymore--could mean that she is in contact or that she's trying to get over him. I'm leaning towards the first explanation.
Me too. I don't think there's any other way to interpret it.
Ok, this is going to be tricky. I had an early lunch and just went and looked at where she lives. I think I will ask her if she is going to take my D back to her apartment the night she comes back or if she is going to drop her at home. If the latter, then I will drive over Sat night since that is the night they get back as you would think not see each other for a few days would make them want to get together. If there are lights on after dark in the apartment, then I will know and have to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. I don't know if I should ask her again or not--don't think it will do much good. Based on the strategic location of her apartment--facing the woods, 2nd floor, there is no way to get a look into it and since I don't know what this guy looks like it looks like it will be a difficult task. So probably, the only way to tell will be if the lights are on. Thoughts on this?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Wait, if there's lights on, should I knock on the door and introduce myself?
Last edited by AFWAW; 04/29/0903:24 PM.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Why do you need any more evidence than you already have to make a decision? Assume she is still cheating, still with him.
As DQ describes, cheating is an addiction. If she is addicted, she has to hit rock bottom to decide to straighten up and fly right. With that theory, you should be gathering evidence (not introducing yourself to him if you find out, because then it's just his and her word against yours) to out them.
Why do you need any more evidence than you already have to make a decision? Assume she is still cheating, still with him.
As DQ describes, cheating is an addiction. If she is addicted, she has to hit rock bottom to decide to straighten up and fly right. With that theory, you should be gathering evidence (not introducing yourself to him if you find out, because then it's just his and her word against yours) to out them.
Lucky
So I know what he looks like and can finger him?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Oh, I see. I thought you meant that if you saw some action, that you would have to make a hard decision, like filing or deciding that you're done. Maybe the decision you were talking about is something else. I think you have plenty of information to make a decision with regard to continue waiting. Either you're going to put up with cheating or you're not. She's cheating.
I do think it's important that you know who it is and as many ins and outs of their relationship as possible. Because you have a child, you need to start building your case so that you get everything you want in court.
You're too good for her, AF. (Sorry, everybody, I know this isn't DB-worthy speak. It's just hard to watch a good man being treated this way.)
You can find out what he looks like without introducing yourself. Don't blow your cover until you have enough information for a qualified lawyer to be satisfied.
I'm with Lucky on this one, John...you do deserve better.
If you want proof that she's still cheating, why don't you start with cell phone records. I understand the phones (yours and hers) are in her name and she gets the paper bills, but you can go on line to see the same thing she gets in the mail. Go to your phone provider's website, register YOUR cell number and access both of your phone records that way...
