I Never Imagined Being Here

[Making_IT]

Thank you beno and PH.

I have not packed up the remainder of her things yet. Looking around the house, there will be quite a bit! I think that may be a good idea to do this weekend. Thank you for the reminder.

Is it normal to have mixed feelings about wanting things to work or not? I have really been flip-flopping a lot internally. One side of me wants to do whatever is necessary to work on the marriage. The other side of me, realizing that she has to want to work on things, says just let it go and get on with life. I am feeling more and more pressure to just make a decision if she isn't going to make one. Right now I feel like my only two choices are to wait it out or ask for a D. The idea of D has been creeping back into my mind more and more, but I do feel things are still too early to make that call.

I spoke with her mother yesterday and she said that they had a good visit last week. Her mom said that she is still getting mixed signals. She did mention that the W commented several times that I hadn't contacted her of which my MIL told her that I was probably just giving her the space that she asked for.

My MIL felt it would be a good idea for me to send a brief text message just touching base. I did send a brief message yesterday afternoon stating, "I have been thinking about you and hope you enjoyed your trip back to see your family". I have not received a response as of today.

I agree that I need to get better at focusing on myself and quit focusing so much on my W. It may just be part of the roller coaster, but I feel like I have some really good runs where I don't focus on her as much and then I start coasting back down the hill. I do often find myself thinking obsessively over what she has said to others, what her actions are symbolizing and what she is going to do next.

I am sure that it sounds like my thoughts and feelings are all over the map,,,,, which they are. I truly appreciate all of the advice and guidance that you are all providing. I do feel that it has helped me get to a better place with myself at a much faster pace.

Thanks!