Newbie - first post

[pearlharbr]

You're right, I don't think there is anything in the book about being in the affair fog. Go over to the infidelity forum and read a few threads there. You'll see that it's a theme. Cheating spouses are so caught up in the emotions of the affair that they are not thinking or acting normally or rationally. Experience shows that while they are fogged out there isn't much you can do to get through to them. Even the DB coaches will tell you that marriage counseling is pointless until you are in stage 3 - return to romance.

That's why I asked if you want to actively work on breaking up the affair or just wait it out. Those are the two main schools of thought and people are passionate about the choices. Let me know if you want more info and I can point you to advocates of both sides and you can read up on what each believes works.

You should still work on DBing. GAL is crucial as are loving detachment and acting 'as if.' You may not have much opportunity to practice 180s but you should know what they are and be ready if/when the occasion presents itself. Also good to start examining behavioral patterns and look for cheeseless tunnels so you know what not to do.

I do hope it warms up next week. I'm starting an outdoor conditioning class on Tues and it's still pretty cold at 6am. And I'd like to get the vegetable garden going too.