Hi Smartcookie - Thanks for the hugs - it's always nice to get those...
The mourning process was exhausting and excruciating at times - but I feel like I've gotten through the worst of it. I still get sat at times - but find that I can finally reclaim songs (beautiful songs) that I had associated with her/us - and can now listen to them and hear things that I had missed before. It's actually kind of thrilling.
I agree with you that taking care of you is the best thing you can do for your kids - I'm doing that more and more - and can already see the difference it's making in my S11's life - He and I have always had a wonderful relationship - but I now see how much more comfortable he feels without the constant tension around us...
A couple weeks ago my S11 told me that he really didn't like B very much anymore - that he felt like she didn't want him around, and that she was always poised to snip at him about something. He wasn't talking about B since she left - he was talking about how she treated him over the years that she's been in our life. He even told me that he feels more comfortable telling me what he thinks about things now - since before, he used to worry that if he spoke up that she would get angry and that she and I would argue...poor kid...I can't believe he had to process all that crap and that I put up with it for so long...As a matter of fact, he asked me just that question, "Why did you put up with it for so long, dad? She didn't seem to respect you." I never, ever, thought I would have heard those words, that question, from my eleven-year-old son - but the fact that he asked me that question tells me that he's learned something important from my experience - namely - loving someone does not give them the right to treat us poorly.
It's great to hear from you, SC. I know you're going through a tough period at home...but I know you know that the sun will always shine. Always.
