Newcomer Looking for Feedback

[pearlharbr]

Somuch, read the first chapter of Divorce Remedy (DR) in the forums here. That will help while you're waiting for the book. This is your tool for you and should not be shared with your spouse. Unfortunately you've already tipped her off which will make things harder for you. This means you'll have to be consistent in your actions and patient.

DBing really is about making real changes for just this reason. If you only do it to get your W back she will see right through that. You must be committed to taking a long hard look at yourself and making honest changes to become the best person you can be.

Also, do NOT immediately go dark. A lot of people jump right to this tactic but as MWD points out, this should be a last resort unless your W is having an affair. Start out by identifying what you did to contribute to the current situation and then do the opposite (180). For example, in my sitch I realized that I had become uninteresting because I just sat around in the evenings watching tv and playing on the computer. This was not the person my xBF fell in love with and was certainly not the person I wanted to be. So I started being more active: walking every day, trying to teach myself piano, taking dance classes, going out with friends. These were also my activities to get a life (GAL) which is another key component.

I recommend finding sandi2's list of things to do/not do for some behavioral guidelines. Also read up on other people's threads and post to them. Once you get a link to your thread set up in your signature they will be able to find you and come here to comment. Please keep your story on one thread. If you want to bump it up to get some attention just make another post. It gets very confusing trying to follow people when they have multiple threads going simultaneously.

Hope that's helpful.