Hi Renee,I am sitting here and catching up with your posts ...and as I read I am crying, because I know how you feel...I have no contact with my husband...he doesnt even ask about me when he and our daughter talk... couldnt care less whether I am alive or dead.....and that really hurts deep in my heart and my soul...but they all say the same thing in here over and over... we can not change them... but WE can change ourselves.... Depend on God for his grace and mercy.....I have been having a really rough week this week. Dont know why, but I have cried myself to sleep every night.. I pray and I pray and then I pray some more and it seems no one is hearing me...but I know that one day all this pain will be over and I will look back on it and think to myself... why did I do this, shed millions of tears as so many have in here and still do...I love my husband sooo much it hurts.
All I can do is take an hour at a time.. the length that we have been in this journey is nothing compared to the others who have been in here for years, LOTS OF THEM STILL PRAY EVERYDAY. all I want is for all of us in here is to have peace in our hearts and with ourselves.... I want to thank Y/R, BND,JACK...just reading what you post in here has helped me alot.... Still praying wishing and hoping. That one morning I will wake up and know that I truly made it, for me and my daughter... God bless you...
Irmac how long have you been going through this? Listen I may not know much about DBing or anything else they say in here but I can tell you that GOD loves you and he IS listening and there is a reason for this. You and I will become stronger people. I know we will. Just keep praying and GOD will move. We have to be obediant to him and trust that his way is the only way. I know you love your h as much as I love my xh. I dont know what happend to my xh but I know that I will be ok because I have GOD. The other night during revival at church I prayed for healing for my family and my heart. I havent cried a tear over my xh since. GOD is moving in my life and has something great for me as he does you. Just sit still and wait for him. Just like you said depend on GOD for his grace and mercy. Irmac my xh doesnt ask about me either that I know of. He has other things in his life right now that is getting his attention. I dont know where your h is or what he is doing, but continue to pray for his salvation and turn him over to GOD as I have my xh and things will be ok. I will be praying for you and your family,
My problem is I DONT KNOW what I want to do. I go to Church and out with friends every now and then, but other than that I just work. When I sit at home I find myself on here or cleaning. I do like photograpy and once loved that. I also would like to learn to play the piano. I want to ask you Donna or whomever wants to answer. I find myself not wanting to do some of the things I once loved when my xh was home. I even sleep at the foot of the bed instead of at the top. It reminds me too much of him. His tools are in the garage and still in order. He left most of his stuff here. It saddens me to look at that stuff. Is this normal? Does anyone else do this. I mean I go out and I dont sit and cry but it saddens me so much to see his stuff, but I think it would sadden me more to get rid of it or put it away. I am telling you its like a death. I dont seem to have the sadness I once had though. Like I said, I have turned it ALL over to GOD.
I used to wish that my Husband had died, instead of just abandoning me, because it was like knowing a living corpse, if that makes sense.
But just like a death, you have to allow yourself to grieve and to go through the stages.
Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance
IF you give yourself permission to do this, and go through the stages, you will begin to feel better. Honestly right now I think you are a bit stuck in the first 4 and are refusing to go to acceptance.
Go back to the begining Renee, and go through the motions.
One of the things I did that helped was to pack up all of the things that reminded me of him.
I repainted my house in colors that made me happy.
I moved the furniture around, especially in the bedroom.
I began to do little things that made me happy, like gardening and knitting.
A couple of times I went to the local library and checked out a bunch of James Patterson novels. It was a great distraction for me.
I had my haircut and got highlights, something I had never done before.
I would force myself to get out of bed early each day, grab my journal and drive down to the lake and write down all of my feelings and have my prayer time. It helped to do this each morning so as to keep me focused.
Renee, NOBODY here thinks you have it easy right now, we are all sympathetic to your cause, BUT your biggest problem is yourself. You absolutely refuse to listen to anyone, and each time another big event happens in your life, it is done by your own hand. You are your own worst enemy.
BEFORE you pick up the phone again, or send an email, or text, why not post here and get some advice. At least that way yo will have people guiding you in the right direction, insstead of freefalling.
Again, please understand that people want to help you, but if you refuse to listen, there is no point in posting advice.
Now Breathe..........
((((hugs))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Ok BND I am here for advice. This woman that my xh is engaged to is really starting to get to me. She does stuff that she KNOWS will get to me. Yes, I shouldnt let her but I cant help it. What should I do. She is writing stuff on her Myspace that everyone, including me can see. The stuff is about my son. She can say all day long how much she is loved or how much she loves my xh. BUT she writes stuff about my son, about how proud she is of him and that he is her boy and stuff like that. If I dont look at her myspace then my friends do and they tell me, so I find out either way. Today would have been my 20th Anniversary. It was sad but I did ok until I looked to see what she had to say and it said something about my son getting a job and THEY were proud of him. This probably shouldnt bother me but it does. I am seriously thinking about trying to talk to my xh about it. What do you all think I should do. Guys please dont be upset with me for looking. I look because I know she is gonna write something about my son. It has become all about my son NOW, and that is not good. I want them to get along, but she doesnt have to post that stuff on MYSPACE. Why couldnt she just tell him. I think what really bothers me is she is telling it to the world. I havent contacted my xh and dont want to, so what should I do.
STOP LOOKING. TELL YOUR SO-CALLED FRIENDS THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT.
Why are you torturing yourself in this manner? How does it help you to know any of it?
Why are you still asking what to do? You know the answers! Don't look. Don't listen. Don't contact.
I am not trying to be mean. I just want you to see that all you can control is you. It doesn't matter what she is doing or why. You have no control over that.
You know what you should (or in this case, shouldn't) do.
but she doesnt have to post that stuff on MYSPACE. Why couldnt she just tell him. I think what really bothers me is she is telling it to the world. I havent contacted my xh and dont want to, so what should I do.
Help
No. She doesn't have to but she does and you let her get the best of you.
No contact No myspace. It's been a while. What's going on with YOU?
Trapt my biggest problem right now is the fact that the ow is trying to get to me through my son. She knows she has my h and now she is trying to become best friends with my son. I really feel like its just to get to me. Because this woman dislikes me very much. So how do I react to this. My mind tells me to meet her face to face and warn her one time. But my heart tells me to pray.
