Still getting nowhere fast....

[lost-n-Iowa]

It's done. He has been served and was asked to leave due to the protective order. I feel as if a little of the weight is gone since I am not lying to his face everyday. It has been a very hard last three days whiling I had to sit and wait for this to happen. I am still on the defense about it all though. I have locked all doors and windows and have pulled all curtains closed. Plus I have locked vehicles and pulled keys from lawnmower and 4wheeler. I feel better but not exactly safe. I have been able to count his guns and as far as I know about what he has they are all here.

I did not get to say a word to him. I did not get to tell him why I was doing it. The cop had to get him out of the barn so I was far away when it happened. I did not hear a word of what was being said. All I seen was my H kept looking at me, sitting in my car where the cop told me to stay, and he had a look of shock, amasement, not understanding what was happening. I don't know if he knows or not, maybe he has figured it out by now but I will not know. Yet at least. The cop asked me to leave the property while my H got some of his clothes and left. My H had told the cop that he felt intimidated by me being there. WTF that means!!!! I left the for a bit and went down the road until the cop and my H left then I came back home to see what was taken. As far as I can tell, he only took his laptop and very few clothes. The cop told me later when he talked to me that my H wants to be able to get more clothes later and that they would get ahold of me when my H could come over to get that stuff.

That's about it. I am really low tonight and feel very depressed about all of this. My life is about to change and I am scared since I don't know where I will end up with my girls. I told them, by the way, that my H had been called away for some emergency at work and that he was sorry that he could not say goodbye to them. They seemed to accept that without any problems. The youngest asked if he had been hurt, I said no, and then she asked if someone else had been and i said no again that he just needed to go so that he could fix something. After that the talked changed to what I had set them up with doing with another girl scout leader for the afternoon (while my H was being served so that they would not be around).

I think I will go cry myself to sleep in my pillow.