The adventure continues- part 4

[futureunknown]

It is quite a rollercoaster. I was getting better until I found out about her infidelity last week. And you're right, this is the most painful emotional experience of my life--I certainly hope it doesn't get worse.

My advice is, if you're feeling anger and rage (I did), let it out somehow. Go someplace private and let it out, and don't stop until there's nothing left. Unfortunately, it tends to refill, so you'll probably need to purge many times over the next few weeks, but don't let it eat you up inside. It wants to come out, so let it.

I had the fun of knowing ahead of time that my W was planning her trip to see OM, then waiting for the weeks to go by, then having her drop off kids so she could go, then knowing she was with him, her calling the kids while there, then having her return and pick up the kids. Talk about anger!

Hang in, just like the others here, I will also tell you, it gets better. I only have a little anger now and then about it. Mostly now I'm just sad over the whole mess. I also struggle with the hope trap.

[AFWAW]

Thanks very much. I think my emotions are from not knowing at this point if the wife is still seeing the OM and from not knowing what her intentions are. She claims she ended it. Maybe she has, I don't know. She told me that the physical part of it was over. I know it is probably hard to quit with the emotions. As far as her intentions go, well, they seem to change from week to week. The latest is rather confusing. In an email, she claims she needs time but the other night on the phone she said I need to get used to the idea that she's probably not coming back. All I said was ok.

I'm very sorry that are going through this and have had to go through what you're going through. Before, I was unaware and therefore unsympathetic to those going through this. I hope and pray your sitch improves.

[AFWAW]

Hilarious!!! How delusional is this? Wife just sent me a job announcement for her building again. She even gave me a tip on how to fill out the resume! Now answer me this, why, dear God, would I want to work in the same building that my wife works where she's been intimate with 3 men that I don't know and is in love with one of them supposedly? OMG!!!!

On a different note, I talked with my commander and there is a job comparable to my pay opening in Aug. He thinks I would be a perfect fit for it in the event I do not get promoted. Now, I initially wanted to get out of here if the sitch goes sour to expedite my healing. I'm starting to think logically about taking care of my daughter though. Pluses: I wouldn't have to sell my house(no one's buying right now anyway), she could stay in her school(which she loves), I'm close to my parents(they live in GA). Negatives: It may be harder to heal knowing that I'll see the wife more often.

At least there is another option that has presented itself at this point. I will certainly not let my wife of this employment possibility. I want her to guess about what I'm doing to the very end(and I hope it ends like a fairy tale--for me that is)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

AF,

I think your "minuses" argument is taking into account how you feel NOW, which is understandable. Plan as if you are going to be able to increasingly detach emotionally from your wife in the months and years ahead, if it doesn't work out with her.

I think it's good to have local options -- for your daughter's sake.

Puppy

[AFWAW]

Puppy,
I am trying to think about the future now without my wife. I am trying so hard. That's why I think this is a good option. I think I experienced every emotion possible today except happiness. I did laugh at the job annoucement and tip on how to fill out the resume. I interacted with the guy that takes out the trash in my building and interesting to find that his family has a lot of trials and tribulations--worse than a lot of folks medically speaking. I did not tell him about my sitch, just listened to him.

I'm starting to wonder my wife's reasons for not wanting to come back at this point. A few are she wants to but can't live with the guilt and the fact that I could throw it in her face(which I wouldn't)or she doesn't want to and enjoys getting attention from multiple men and wants to play the field or she is delusional in thinking that OM will leave his wife for her. I don't know. It's just damn frustrating and I wish it could be over with either way.

[PortlandDad]

AF, there is no logic in what she is doing. We only frustrate ourselves in thinking that there is any rationality in what the WAW is doing. We think we know, or we catch momentary lucid flashes from them, but then they become unintelligible again.

[AFWAW]

Ok, going on day 3 now with no contact other than the job email. Woke up several times last night and was really struggling to put one foot in front of the other this morning. I'm constantly tired and my attitude is really, really poor right now. I think maybe it is over and I'm just having a hard time accepting it. I'm still not going to call and waiting for her to initiate contact. I wonder if she knows, I mean really knows what damage she has done, the hurt she has caused and the family she has destroyed. I pray constantly throughout the day. Sometimes it helps and sometimes my emotions get the best of me. Hope everyone is doing well.

[AFWAW]

I am considering going over to her apartment Friday evening to see if OM is there. I think if I know it will give peace of mind of what I need to do. I know this is probably not a wise thing to do but not knowing all this time and then her admission and then her pulling back make me wonder and I think the not knowing is the worst thing to process. Thoughts on this?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Well, I've never been in the mainstream on this one, but I would ALWAYS rather know, than NOT know, the accuracy of what's going on. Everyone says the truth can kill you, but isn't the limbo (nevermind the deceit), killing you anyway??

Refresh my memory: is she claiming no-contact at this point?

Puppy

[mindfull]

AF - I happen to agree with Puppy. And, I'm pretty sure I'd do exactly what you want to do... Surprised you've waited so long! We'll be here to vent to, either way...