I agree with my friend, VH. I did the same thing in my marriage. I lost me. My whole life revolved around my h and my son. So, believe me when I say, I understand how you cannot possibly imagine going a day without thinking about your xh.
But I can promise you, you can. Look, as VH told you, I was stuck for a long time. I just couldnt get it. I could not detach. I would ask how over and over. Everyone would tell me what they are telling you. Focus on you and your son. Stop thinking about h and ow. Figure out what you want.
I finally realized - everyone was right. Whether I thought about him or not, contacted him or not - he was still gone. And I was wasting my life waiting for him to change.
I could continue doing that day after day, losing more of my life - or I could start living for me. If, in the future, my h turns towards me, I will decide if I want to move toward him. In the meantime, I am living my life, trying to figure out what I want.
And you know what, I am excited about it. I am not going to lie and tell you that I never get sad about my situation - because I do. But I feel it and then I try to let it go. I am too busy trying to figure out where I want my life to go. I am too busy enjoying my son and my niece and nephew. I am working on my health issues and trying to find a good job and taking a few fun classes.
It isnt easy what we are all telling you to do. I know that, really I do. But all the good people here really want what's best for you.
I am going to tell you something from my heart. I would not want to go back to the person I was or to the marriage I had for anything in the world. Really. I was lost and dependent and needy and insecure and depressed. This really was a gift.
So, dont try to think of the big picture. Dont think, how am I going to go without talking to him. How will I get over this? Tomorrow, find something to do that will make you happy. Keep as busy as you can. Try not to think about him for a little while. Then a little while more. Think about you and your son and your nephew. That's all I want you to do tomorrow. Ok?
