We had a great weekend. Monday was, well, Monday, but D10 and I went to a beading thing at church and made some bracelets. Tonight was some shopping for her outfit for her concert Thursday.
Thursday........ My night with the kids, which is good. But I also expect it will be the first time that I see X and his gf together, with her whole brood in tow. Her D, my D's best friend, is in the chorus, too.
I'm getting nervous. Today was the first that I thought of it. I have been doing so well, feeling so good. So far, I'm not hurt, just feeling a little sick to my stomach/bothered by the idea of seeing them together, hand in hand. It seems that every time I get to an ok place, another cut comes. And I shouldn't be getting hurt, anymore. It is all in my own head - accept it, and it won't hurt.
This defies logic, what is in my head. This is all from the gut. But its just easier to pretend that he is dead. Its been so long, hopefully he'll look so different, so foreign...or I just won't see them together at all. Blech.
