VH, yes I think it matters. The reason is....If it is MLC then I can treat it as an illness and understand a little better what is going on with him. I can go on with my life while leaving the door ajar for him. From what I understand WAH are GONE for good, and their thinking is different. From what I understand WAH isnt an illness. So see the difference and see why it it important to me.
Let's say it is MLC. You can leave at least a bit of your anger since it does seem to be almost an illness. You live your life, and the door is open a crack. Give him room, leave him alone, and see where he is in a year, or even two. It's not like you want to jump into another R right now anyway, right? If something comes up in the interim, well, you gave him the opportunity.
If it turns out that he shows no sign of coming back, you haven't lost anything, and you can spend the time healing yourself.
Here is a bit of opinion..... Even if his IS MLC, once he gets married it is going to be really, really hard for his ego to admit that he was wrong, and for him to come back. Even if he doesn't stay with her, it doesn't mean he comes back to you.
Its like I cant let go cold turkey. I didnt call for a month and then I did. I might go 3 months next time for I have the need. Does this not help SOME? Or does it have to be NO contact EVER for how ever it TAKES? What I am trying to say is, does it mess things up if I have to call about something important, reallly important, every now and then. I dont mean just any little thing either.
Their diagnosis is up to you to determine. That is why I seldom do, you were an exception.
I understand why it is important. I was a WAH and there was no going back, not an MLC WAH.
Its ok to leave the door open a little just in case, but its more important to live your own life and stop trying to be involved in theirs. Stop feeling entitled to him and his time.
You are your own worst enemy in this Lewis. No guy likes a woman as seemingly clingy and needy as you portray yourself. I know, you went a month, thats great but that was the day before yesterday, today, you called and yesterday you called a ton.
Its how we act today not yesterday that matters to people.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
(((((Renee))))) Does a single call after a month mess things up? Probably not. Does a call, an voicemail, an email, and a text, all on the same subject mess things up? Probably yes.
Cold turkey. You can do it.
Last April, I decided to give up Coke. (The soda! ) I drank at least two 20 oz. bottles every weekday, sometimes more. At first I thought I would cut to one a day, but I immediately decided to just not have another one. I've been tempted since then (a picnic with glass bottles on ice, the Coke machine giving me a Coke when I asked it for water), but I haven't had a single soda of any kind in over a year now. It was hard, especially at first. I thought, what could one hurt... But, I didn't do it. If I can do that, I think you can do this. Just make the decision to not cantact him. At all.
For an issue like the taxes, I'd be tempted to write a letter. That way you can't get sucked into the drama. The only other exception would be a real emergency. I mean the life threatening kind. Other than that, prove to yourself, and to him that you can take care of yourself. You can be independent. You don't NEED him, or any other man! YOU CAN DO IT!
S, you are already setting yourself up to fail. Listen, it doesnt matter if its MLC, WAH, or XYZ. No matter what it is, you still have to move forward in your life,because right now, he doesnt want you in it. You have no choice but to go forward.
Learn to accept the things you cannot change. You want to be friends, he doesnt. You want an explanation, he doesnt want to give it. No matter how many times you ask the questions, there are still not any answers. So let it go.
Are you going to continue to give him all this power over your life?
If you needed to contact him, you should have sent him a letter, or sent him a text. One text. If you got no response, you had your answer. Then you go to Plan B. You try to figure out how you are going to get this bill paid. Could you go to a legal aid lawyer and find out if he is responsible. Is there a way to get a payment plan? If he is responsible, is there a way for the tax bureau to get him to pay? See what I mean?
Look, you never know what the future holds. No matter if he is MLC or WAH, the db steps are the same - detach, GAL, stop going down cheeseless tunnels. Dbing is really to get the best life you can, to be the best person you can be, and once in a while, it saves marriages too.
VH, so a call and the voice mail and the text in that one day probably set me back to square one with him? I thought after a month he may have gotten the picture.
Also I think he tells her when I call and lets her hear my messages and that is disrespectful to me.
) I drank at least two 20 oz. bottles every weekday, sometimes more. At first I thought I would cut to one a day, but I immediately decided to just not have another one. I've been tempted since then (a picnic with glass bottles on ice, the Coke machine giving me a Coke when I asked it for water), but I haven't had a single soda of any kind in over a year now. It was hard, especially at first. I thought, what could one hurt... But, I didn't do it. If I can do that, I think you can do this. Just make the decision to not cantact him. At all.