Jack when I called him about our taxes he did answer finally and said he was gonna respond to me through our son. I dont think this is fair to our son, I dont want to put him in the middle. I was told here before to contact him only for finances and in emergency. Well I did contact him about taxes and he didnt want to talk to me in an adult manner. He wanted to go through our son. I say its some her, because he said before she came along that he wanted to communicate with me every two weeks or so to check on things and if I needed him in emergencies. He now how changed his mind. Dont you think this is because of her? Jack people communicate with their divorced spouse's. My best friend is married to a man who has an x-wife and if his x-wife called about their son (and she has), she lets her husband talk to her. Why in the world cant we get along. THAT is all I am asking. I am NOT asking for him to come home. Why cant we get along? Why cant he speak to me once a month if I have to ask him a question about something from our past? Jack his excuse is HE cant forgive ME for the way I have acted. Do you believe him? I dont know if I do.
(((((Renee))))) YOU don't want to put your son in the middle. And that's fair. But YOU can't stop him from trying to put your son in the middle. If your son doesn't want to be in the middle, he is old enough now to say "no". Remember, YOU cannot control what you XH does.
Why can't you get along? I don't know. Right now, he doesn't want to. And you can't control that either. You can drive yourself (and him) crazy trying, or you can live your life. I think that you will find that if you live your life, and find yourself, and have confidence in yourself, and really stop worrying about what he is doing, and why, that he will probably, eventually, allow more contact. That seems to be how it works in a lot of cases. But the more you push, the more he will push away.
As far as whether you, or anyone else believes him, does it make a bit of difference? He says he can't firgive you, and for now, that's how he is acting. Does it matter why? LET GO!
Last edited by Virtually_Handsome; 04/28/0910:30 PM.
you obsess and hang onto things he said several months ago, that he probably only said at the time to get you off his back, ie....wanting to talk to you every 2 weeks. He probably doesnt even remember it. but you bring it up almost every other post here. Get over it , he is not going to honor any word or statement he has given you...look at the divorce. that should give you a big clue as to how good his word is.
he is now on a fast track to hell, why do you want to be a part of that??? Let the tyrant go ...let the messed up 26 yr old gf have him. shes got serious baggage shes carrying from loosing her child. Shes avoiding her issues and that man is avoiding his....BUT they have NOTHING to do with YOU. You dont want to be anywhere near that train when it derails. Count your lucky stars he doesnt want you around.
stop calling, txting emailing, no smoke signals either or tin cans and string. he cant miss you you wont get out of his life. several weeks is nada zip nothing
you need to worry about you and that nephew you have custody of. your 18 yr old son can look out for himself. if he wants money from dad let him ask.
you seem to be a glutton for punishment. Why set yourself up for them to treat you that way? everyone has said a million times start your own life,,,,you seem to be in a very unhealthy way unable to.
read your posts as a stranger...what would you say to that poor woman?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
S, I know how it feels not to understand how it could be like this. How could someone you have been with so long not want to be in your life. It is really hard to get your mind around, isnt it?
I used to think, if I could just understand, then I could let go. I could move on. But the truth is, really, it doesnt matter why. Maybe its because he found someone he wants to be with and start a new life with, maybe its because he doesnt want to be friends because its too difficult, maybe he needs some time to sort things out. But really, at the end of the day, he is telling you loud and clear that he does not want you in his life now. It is what it is. You cant reason that away.
My son is also 18. I do not put him in the middle, nor does my stxh. But, if he did, I would tell my son if he doesnt like it, he needs to handle it with his dad.
We can only control ourselves. We can only do the best that we can. We cannot expect certain behavior from anyone else. You do what you can and want to for your son. You x chooses not to. Not your problem.
Listen, I know this all happened so quickly for you. You didnt know what the heck hit you. And everyone is not telling you to let go for the heck of it. They are telling you because it is what they know is the best thing for you. We hate to see someone struggling when we know what will make the pain less.
So, Sweetie, try to do this one hour at a time, if you must. Say to yourself, before you have the urge to contact him - do I really need his help? Is it something I could handle? Soon you will see that you dont need him.
Let him blow in the wind. Make the best life for Sunshine that you can. Become the best person you can be.
When you have the urge to contact him, call a friend, take a walk, post on here, say a prayer, count to 50.
Listen, this is hard stuff, really hard. It's not going to happen overnite. I still backslide, we all do. But you really have to begin to accept that he doesnt want any contact.
No Jack it isnt an argument. VH, you are right. I just figured it has been over 7 months and he is still angry. I just want this anger in him to end. I want to be able to communicate the normal way. I have excepted he is gone and he is getting married to someone else. BUT I guess I havent excepted that I no longer exist to him. I am driving myself crazy wanting it to be better. I dont want to be emenies, and I am trying soooo hard to fix it. BUT I cant fix it by myself. It hurts. I could never treat him that way, even if I got remarried. I want his anger to go away and even more I want to understand why he is ANGRY and how long it is gonna last.
I will add, so that no one thinks I am sitting at home and doing nothing else, that I am still working on getting a 2nd job. I am soon gonna to be going to school and I am getting out and doing things, such as going to church and spending time with friends. But this still doesnt answer my questions.
I am still not certain that he is a WAH. Part of me still believes he may be in MLC. I believe this because he was confused at first. The first couple of months we were still intimate a few times in the beginning he wanted it, then he wanated it to stop because he said I couldnt move on. He wanted to remain friends and keep in touch UNTIL this last girl came into the picture and he found NEW LOVE. He even came by in the beginning to do things at the house. He also would ask son how I was doing, he did things like this for awhile, so he was confused and trying to let go I believe. He was being pulled in both directions. Jack or others doesnt this suggest MLC? I know confusion does. People even told me in my first posts here that he was a poster child for MLC.
Beg, I was doing soooo good. No contact what so ever. No text or nothing for about a month or more. Then I got the letter about our taxes and sent him a text, then called him because I got no response. I thought well its been a month he may be decent enough to discuss this with. If I had an idea he was still just as angry, I WOULD NOT have called. BUT I can not pay this by myself. I have no L to go through to contact him and I wanted to know what he planned to do about it. That should have been a simple conversation. What more could I have done. Please give me suggestions, because other than texing or calling him about it I dont know what else I could have done. If I sent him a letter he wouldnt even have opened it. He probably would have thrown it away. So what am I to do. I understand I probably should have let son aske him about shoes but son WILL NOT ask him for nothing in fear of making his dad mad. I am back to no contact again. I wish this would get better already. I think he has it in his head that I still am trying to hang on and this contact is a way to do that. I dont think he sees me as going on with my life. That is why I have asked the question "how are they going to know when we have moved on", because until he knows, I dont think he is going to talk to me.
I think that in most cases, it isn't one thing, or another. MLC is a part, WAH is a part, and who knows what is a part. The important thing is that the things that you do really doen't change depending on what is going on. No matter what, you can only take care of you. You can't control him. Please, Renee. try to let it all out of your head. I think you can use it for lots better things!
