Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing 3

[Thinker]

Still friendly and a bit distant.

I have been trying to work out my W's Love Language(s) - trying various things to see which get's a reaction. Also trying to remember what used to work and what sort of things she used to do for me to get an idea. So far no real luck. I think that currently things are / have been emotionally confused so that her real LL's have been obscured. ie, it may be gifts, but she does not react positively to gifts FROM ME right now.

I took a chance while we were eating lunch and asked her if she would take the LL test. She responded as I would have predicted: rolling her eyes, looking generally disgusted, and asking if this was "something I got out of a book". She then agreed to take it.

I followed up after lunch by emailing her a link to the test:

(Note: there are several websites that have turned the test from the book into an online self-calculating test. I found them through google. Here is a link to one: http://edified.org/myspace/lovelanguage )

I am struggling a bit with my W's strong aversion to R books. This aversion is not a new, post bomb thing. When we were in MC several years ago, she got strongly critical of me when I read an R book - snidely questioning "You have to read books to learn how to be in an R?" Now, especially, she reacts negatively any time she sees me reading a self-help or R book - possibly interprets it as pressure on her? I don't parade them in front of her, and have not asked her to read one since shortly after the bomb, but still, that is how I learn and grow - i need the structure that the books provide. I also think that she would benefit from it as well, but...

I am also struggling (again) with how to act when I am with my W. Are we together or not? Are we physically affectionate (hugs, etc) or not? Are we flirty or not? Are we sexual or not?
Sometimes she acts positively to these things, sometimes she recoils.

I, myself - well I just want to smother her in affection, but that's just me...

...I'm not. I'm restraining myself.