Journaling:

Yesterday it was a month since H came home. He is certainly making efforts: leaves his cell on all the time, calls me on his way to different work areas to tell me his plans, suggests fun activities to do together, and spends a lot of time with both of us. And I cannot complain about the physical aspect . I cannot say there is no improvement.

He has snapped at me a couple of times (good or bad?) but I just take it calmly (and come to the BB to vent). He has not been talking at all about R or what is going on in his office or with the OW. I asked a couple of times how he thought we were doing and he said 'fine' and left it at that. I did not push.

I have been working hard on myself, also. I have not made any pushes about the OW (mostly thanks to you guys), and do not snoop (much). If he comes home late I say hello with a big smile and try to act naturally. I watch TV with him into the wee hours (I hate TV), cook with him and have let him do a bunch of the day to day stuff that I used to do on my own.

I have an uncomfortable sensation of impending disaster, of walking on eggshells, but I try to go on with our life and enjoy the good days. I do not know if it is instinct or derrotism, but I do know that if I let my fear of losing him control me I am lost.

I have been very busy at work this week and have not had much time for him, but I tried to spend the little we had together. I am working this weekend also. We'll see.

Got to go to work. To be continued...

"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little" Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"