Stress, WAW and life in general II

[AJM]

Thanks MB. Yeah, the kids have an idea. They know there are problems. My son told her the other day he doesn't want his parents to get divorced. I don't think he meant that he wants us to get separated though.

Like I mentioned before - this is not a case of she just decided to go away. Have a second life. This is more about her not coping with stress and not being able to understand how to not be selfish. I am not making excuses. She has made her own choices. She will have to live with them as I will have to live with mine. Sadly the children will have to live with the choices as well. I can't stop that however.

The kids are on year round schedule. Besides, you can tell this isn't about them, right? This is about herself. She has wanted to leave since December. Just for different reasons at the time. Now she seems to think (says) that she thinks that there may be a chance. That we are separating to work on us. She knows that it's mostly her that needs work. That's really a big plus in some ways.

I'm just close to being done. My feelings are mostly gone. Or at least I really can't feel much of them. And she is NOT the kind of person I would choose to date if I met her on the street. She's selfish. Self-centered.

I do notice that in the sep agreement she wrote up she will actually spend more time with the kids and myself. She is not expecting me to pay for her lifestyle. In fact, she came around and is going to give me the credit cards, atm cards, etc and the house keys. She will keep driving the car, even though I will keep paying on it. I'm not changing my bills basically.

That part of this is fine. She needs space. Ok. Guess what? SO DO I. I need some time away from this. I need some time to figure out what it is I really want.

I went out to lunch today. Ran some errands. Stopped at a local pub for lunch. Talked to a lovely young lady (hi Angela) and she told me her story. Basically, she lost a lot a few years ago. She's a breast cancer survivor. At 31 she was diagnosed. Single. Pretty. Was going to get breast augmentation when they found it. She lost her money, was fired from her job (it was a mortgage job) that they had just moved her to a new city to perform, and is one of the nicest people I've met recently. What struck me is how she was headed in one direction when suddenly life threw her a curve. She has my admiration. She made me think about how short life really is. How I may not want my wife to come back. To be honest, I'm not really sure of anything any more.

Just the same, I'm working on my commitment to stay married. I just don't feel a lot of anything about it. That worries me.

AJ