Quick reminder to myself: count your blessings. I did not bring up the R thing. Had a feeling that it just was not the right moment (or am I a wimp?).
It has been a good weekend so far. H has spent a lot of time with us, even called several times unprompted. Cooked breakfast for us both days. Good morning sex, the whole thing. Good so far, or not?
He did all the right things, then why am I not happier?
Part of the problem is that I trust him only as far as I can throw him (which is not much, he is way heavier than I can lift). And I resent all the 'have beens'. But perhaps this would happen even if he had totally stopped contact with the OW.
He is at work right now (or so he says) and a while ago he called to say 'stay home, it is raining' and later again to offer to go to Sam's Club and do our grocery shopping. Good steps, positive acts... I should be jumping up and down... why am I just so gloomy? I sometimes wonder... why do I even bother.
I am sorry guys, I am dumping all this down feeling on you all. I guess I'd better vent here and hope nobody minds rather than call my H up and make a huge 'where are you' scene that will not get me anywhere. It never ocurred to me that things could get better and then I'd be depressed. Does this happen often?
The bright point is that these are feelings, they will pass. Like the rain.
Thanks for listening.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
