Thanks for the answer dcr. Your suggestions are very good: I will take them into account. I still have not decided how or when to bring up the issue. And the time limit is a great idea.
I know I can heal on my own. And my H knows I can move on. With this soap opera of mine I have discovered quite a few things about myself, the most important being that I like who I am and I am much stronger than I ever imagined I could be.
Actually one of the major mental things I have now is to combat a sense of urgency. Sometimes, in fact quite often, I feel that if he is not going to drop the OW, the sooner he tells me the better. That way I do not have to waste time trying to fix an unfixable R.
Do not take me wrong: I do not want a D and I want to fix my M, not only for me and my H but for our daughter. But I cannot accept this OW in our life, even if there is no PR any more (and I believe him when he says that). I also resent his not getting rid of her, or curtailing the control she has over his office. If he loves me, as he says he does, why not do the only thing that is going to let us start to heal? I even resent his work, because she does his billing and controls the money. In my book, when he says he will be late he is working to pay her salary and her car lease, and stealing the time from my daughter and me. So far, I have managed not to tell him that but I have come pretty close.
I asked him that when we were going to MC (I stopped it because I saw no point in wasting any more money or time while he was not ready for a commitment) and he answered that he was afraid of losing everything. Which to me sounds as if he fears confronting her, firing her and then having our R go wrong and not have an exit strategy. Total commitment!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
