WAW1

[Puppy Dog Tails]

My wife went into a rant about the children when she knew I had made up my mind about the trash.

She was just itching for a row.

So you complied?

[markhaving probs]

Hi J,

I wanted to create a boundary so I told her I could understand her wanting the rubbish cleared but I did not agree with it (boundary setting/validation). She ranted and raved, said I was selfish, unhelpful and unreasonable which for her is 'more of the same'. As I am no longer a part of the decision process in regard to the house I felt this was a boundary that needed setting as it is ok for her to buy things for the house that do not concern me, but I am needed to clear rubbish!

I do need to set a proper controlled custody as we had initially agreed every other weekend and every Wednesday for tea. As she now wants to live a single lifestyle she offers times when it is her weekend under the pretence that it will give me quality time with them and I should take every opportunity to see them. She uses the excuse that she haves them all the time, well this is what she wants, though I do want to see my children as often as I can I have got to have a life as well.

[markhaving probs]

Puppy,

No, I validated her for me not ringing the children over the weekend and indicated I would do better in the future. She did not think I meant it and tried to continue goading me which I did not rise to. I told her I would discuss this when she was more ameanable and ended the call.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

ok

[markhaving probs]

I called my children to wish them goodnight which I did. I then asked my children rather than my wife if they would like to stay with me on Wednesday night and I would take them to school on Thursday. My wife came on the phone and said "I thought you were going out?" I said I was but I changed my plans, my wife then says "where were you going?". I said it doesn't matter, then then said "you weren't going out anyway". I ignored this comment. She said it was ok which I expected her to say anyway. My wife then started on the trash again and I stood my ground. As davidswife said she is divorcing me so what difference does it make, and also this is doing something different.

[davidswife]

Good for standing strong. Stand up for YOURSELF, respect YOURSELF - that's how you earn respect from others.

Focus on yourself and your children.

I also like how you asked the children about Wednesday - good for you. You're making progress - baby steps, baby steps.

I'm proud of you!

[markhaving probs]

Thank you dw for your imput. It wasn't easy to do but as you put it, she is divorcing me anyway.

[markhaving probs]

For whatever reason my wife decided to text me to explain one of the reasons why we are divorcing. She said she has never felt 'close' as a couple especially physically. I would admit our physical relationship was never that hot and we should have discussed it, and without trying to be coarse over the last three years or so she would never take her nightdress off during lovemaking. I would ask but she wouldn't take it off, I do not know why?

[davidswife]

Please stop obsessing about the past, which can't be changed. You need to be in the present, where you are in control, a great dad, etc. At this point, what does a nightgown being left on make? Save your energy for being the man you need to be for yourself and your children.

I hope you didn't answer that text. Have you tried going dark?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Don't reply to her texts or calls, unless they involve the children.

If she corners you in person with statements like that, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way," and don't engage.