Newcomer Looking for Feedback

[somuch2learn]

Thanks for getting in touch. Can you tell me how to place a link to my main story thread? I updated my signature like you suggested.

My W has been engaged a few times prior to marrying me, and married and divorced after two years of marriage to a physically and emotionaly abusive ex-H. He had numerous affairs, and left her in severe financial debt. Two years after her divorce, we met, and we fell in love. Looking back, I now see she had a timeline on how qucikly our relationship progressed.

I have always had the philosophy "well if this will make her happy, then let's do it". I moved with her to her home state of Maryland. We got married, and not even six months after the wedding she wanted a house. At this point, she has become very financially secure, and I am in my first year of graduate school. Against the advice of my faculty, we use my VA home loan to buy a house.

Within a year of buying the home, she takes a new job with even higher pay. However,the commute is so long, that she rents a corporate apartment close to her office. My courses and lab work are starting to overwhelm me, and we hardly see each other, except to run errands and buy groceries on the weekend. Neither one of us was happy, but I had tunnel vision, and simply wanted to get through the first two years of mandatory coursework so I could begin work on my dissertation.

The trigger event was in January. She took her first international business trip right in the middle of my exam week. When arrived home at the airport, I was in the middle of a lecture. She always felt that I placed graduate school before the marriage, and this act sealed the deal for her. However, she waited until March because we were looking to refinance the house. Two weeks after we refinanced, she tells me she wants a D.

She makes well over 100K/year, and I'm living off of a 26K/year stipend. I know that divorce courts are heavily stacked in the female's favor. I'm going to have to borrow thousands just to show up for court. My marriage counselor is trying to get me to start calling lawyers, but I just can't accept that this is actually happening. How can a person walk away from a marriage that is less than 2 years old, and refuse to go to counseling?

My W has not filed papers yet, but I expect her to do so soon. I told her about DB, and asked her to check out the website. She went to the DB website, and later told me that she was disgusted, because this program is simply trying to sell manipulative tactics to spouses who don't want to get divorced. "This is NOT about real change, this is about tricking your unhappy spouse into thinking you have changed" she said. She's angry that I bought the DB book, and she told me that I had better not dare try any of these tactics on her, for it will just make the situation worse.

Well, I have rambled on enough for now. Thanks for getting in touch.