Jayce's thread

[Jayce]

First: I have this 'not really a joke' thing, saying I don't trust people who don't read the funnies every day.

H used to read a couple of the comics years ago after I talked about it. He has always thought I lost all my marbles when he'd hear me laughing out loud at one of the comics. I always showed him what I laughed at. I also started showing him faves of the day. Eventually he read more of them, but not all. His favorite is Crankshaft. Uhhhhh... A few yrs ago he told me the guys at work (nearly all are younger than he is)call him Crankshaft. He was laughing about it. I said "Its not fun to be married to Crankshaft" Took the wind out of his sails! I said both to share the house with and know that that's his rep out "in the world".(Sure, you keep people off-balance or away altogether so you don't get hurt if they drop you or dislike you).

Its possible he read funnies years ago & never said cuz he thought it would be "stupid" or embarrassing. He doesn't do embarrassment. Can't laugh at himself. Ever the true Passive-Aggressive, he can be mad about something someone said or did that made him feel that way & never say so, but later be mad or insulting or refuse to do something as a payback. Of course, we're all spozed 2 B mind readers & know why he's being a jerk, altho he doesn't see it that way. To him its justified. He's not as bad as he used to be, but I still have to think twice if he seems frosted about something.

He loved playing racquetball. In his 20's he played handball w/older bro. Doesn't play board games or cards. Probably afraid he'll lose or not get the object of the game/rules, etc. & someone will say he's stupid. Not surprising given his family experiences altho he used to beat me at gin rummy pretty well. I think he quit cuz I wasn't a competitive opponent.

You are right about not liking to be the center of attention as in surprise party. Funny that doesn't apply to tantrums and arguments. His B-day is one of 3 in the family that are within a week of each other. We usually do a 3-way party. Makes it easier for the other 2 families, in-laws, etc. He is hard to buy gifts for because he'll never say what he wants (a little better about that last few yrs)and isn't into new clothes. He is pleased to be remembered tho. He isn't a hobby guy. We were making a decorative item that involved him drilling glass for me, but neither of us want to sit all day at craft shows, so we gave most away as gifts or for charity raffles.

He likes having a garden & doing the lawn. His gramma's 2 bro's had a big garden whe he was a kid & he hung out w/them when his mom was working. He likes to cook the Italian pole beans he grows. He reads about muscle cars, and watches TV. Likes the zoo.
He does have a sense of humor. Laughed his a$$ off at "The 40 year-old Virgin" "Porky's" Cheech & Chong movies. Not into the more subtle stuff. He has never been a reader & doesn't get a lot of jokes that depend on language, like puns & double meanings.

BUT-say something clear & direct & he's always looking for some hidden meaning-trap-also a result of his family experiences. His mom was a piece of work.

We've walked our various dogs in the park, spent the day at a local lake, went camping when the kids were young. We've gone to a few local museums when relatives visit. He just never learned to be social other than w/his family. My folks went dancing monthly, had house parties at New Year's or Halloween, visited friends, had friends over for dinner. His family went to gramma's or their aunts. Old fashioned, ethnic. His bro's & cousins have friends outside the family, but he doesn't.

About the chips & TV, you've mentioned a couple beers after dinner. Dinner & wine or beer after work pretty much ensures falling asleep quickly. If I'm even a little tired, alcohol will make me get that nap time feeling, & I'm sure our H's do, too. The after-supper walk would be so neat. Take the dog around the block, look at other people's landscaping, etc, but not if he's had a beer or two. The ZZZZ's move right in. Be nice if they let us give them a massage to relax instead.....music instead of TV.. so many possibilities in that scenario.

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm hoping if he feels better, they will get an OK from him at least once in awhile.
Jayce