I have to admit to struggling the past couple of days. I think I know what set it off... the old Facebook issue. I have to say that since deleting his friends and sister I have been really good and not looked but then yesterday he flashed up on there. His update said
'H... was under the impression that everyone knew'.
Someone else commented something that didn't make any sense and the ow wrote 'hee hee'. Now I know that stressing over this makes no sense, perhaps I just need to get it off my chest here?! I mean, I have no idea what that means but it makes me feel anxious and slightly paranoid, which I know is irrational. I suppose it has brought up feelings of me just wishing that ow was not in the picture. This whole thing would be so much easier. 99.9% of the time I do not let her encroach on my thinking space but she seems to have popped in there and I need to find a way to manage her. At the end of the day I enjoy FB and don't want to de-friend him so I suppose I have to find a way to manage it.
In other news we were texting each other before the weekend regarding the house and he also said that he sent my present to work. The people who are buying the house have slowed right down and H was going to call the agents over the weekend. I then left it and yesterday he texted me to let me know he got the job and asked whether I had got my package yet - the tone was back to his formal tone again. I replied this morning saying how pleased I was to hear that and that I wasn't in the office till tomorrow (I am at a conference). He texted back with house news.
I guess I feel unsettled at the moment. My worries are
- Where am I going to live and what is going to happen next in my life. - I am a little anxious about him getting a new job. Although in many ways this is good as he blamed leaving me on wanting to spend more time at his new job and with friends. I guess he realised the job couldn't give him what he needed. And also him and ow will have one less thing in common. - I really want to celebrate his new job with him and feel a bit left out. I want to hear all about it and celebrate and worry she is filling his love bank by being there to celebrate and I am unable. - I am scared he is going to buy somewhere with her after he gets the money from here. - H's tone in texts has gone back to formal after our meeting - natural I guess.
I guess I am a little apprehensive about the future.
