Springing forward...

[mishka422]

I don't blame you for your anger one bit BBJ. It's a horrible thing that Dan is doing to the kids.

IMO, and please take it for what it's worth, you are going to have to be the adult here and cut the last ties. Flat out tell Dan that he can't be at the house "helping out" because it hurts the kids. He needs to see the kids on his time, at his current abode, and not join you in family activities anymore. That is too confusing for young children. He made his choice, now he gets to live with it.

Frankly honey, you are letting him cake eat. He will never realize it so don't expect any change on his part. He is getting everything he wants without any consequences whatsoever because you are allowing it. It's hurting you, it's definitely hurting the kids, and it's keeping the status quo for Dan.

I know it isn't what you really want, but there really is no other way to help the kids get through this. Separate is separate. Finito, the end. If Dan works through all of his crap and the emotional abuse he is heaping on you (it is abuse BTW - passive agressive type) and you are still in love with him and willing to allow him back into your life then maybe that can happen. I don't see it happening while he is living these two lives.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you are hurting so much from this and Dan's crap is really pissing me off for you.