Sydney is on day 3 of being sick. Fever was up to 103.7, now it is 99.9. She has no real symptoms except fever and bouts of fatigue/crankiness. She slept for several hours yesterday. Doc's biggest concern is she only drank about 8 oz yesterday and ate very little. They don't care about the eating but if she can't drink 16 oz today they will want to give her IV fluids.
Things with Dan suck right now. Everything feels wrong. Although FG once said if it feels wrong, it is probably right? B/C what I was doing wasn't working...
Saturday night after everybody left I told him I was pissed at him. I said a couple of other things first, I forget now...mostly just that I felt he had lied to me and strung me along saying he "didn't know how to do this without me" and things like that when all the while he had no intentions of reconciling.
That when he came back last fall, he wrote in my anniversary card (which said "The only remedy for love is to love more")--"Bobbi that is so true, it is your love that got us through this far and it is my love that will keep us going strong together".
I said b/c you made promises I allowed the kids to see us together again, I told them we were together again, let them think it was real and now they are angry at me b/c I am a liar and I am a liar b/c you made me one...And I am pissed at you b/c you are the reason my kids are hurting and upset with me.
He said he had been pissed for a couple of years...then he said 1)I HAVE seen that you have changed, you are different 2)I still DON'T know how I will do this without you
I said it really didn't matter anyway he had made his decision. That I really didn't want him on the Disney trip with me but now the kids knew he was going so it was too late. I don't want them getting more ideas b/c we are on this family trip...
Anyway I can't remember much more. But it was the first time I have let him know that I am angry with him rather than sad, disappointed, needy, etc. I think part of what set me off was he wanted to take his BIL over to his house after the party to look at his roof. BIL is a contractor and would help Dan re-roof it. Well my 17 yr old niece was riding with BIL. I asked Dan if she knew yet that he had his own house. He said no. I said what is she going to think? He said he would tell her it was just a house he was fixing up to rent. I said are you thinking you can just avoid ever telling your family/friends?? He said I don't want to tell them now... That is what pissed me off, he is trying to live two lives so everything is easy for him and I have been letting him.
Well Sunday we went to church, he met us there. That is where we first noticed Sydney was getting sick, she wanted to lay down all through church. Anyway it was raining badly and when we got home, Dan disappeared for 20 minutes. He came in soaking wet. He told me the downspouts were plugged, so he climbed a ladder in the rain, cleaned out my gutters, straightened the downspouts, etc etc.
Oh, and Saturday he got to my house before the party (I was out running errands, getting balloons, etc), when I got there he was vacuuming the whole house, then he cleaned the kitchen table, and had changed 3 lightbulbs that had gone out...And he said something about how "we need to refinish the kitchen table". WTF we, it is going to be my table and my problem.
Sorry for venting so long I have just had it with him. Why does he do all of that crap when he has no intentions of coming back. It just irritates me and confuses the kids.
