Learning to Detach

[kjensen]

Thanks Jeff. I think my H has avoided talking to family b/c he is scared of his parent's reaction, and also he still seems pretty conflicted. H hasn't brought up divorce in a long time. Both he and I have brought up separating our bank accounts, but he hasn't pursued this(and neither have I since he doesn't really use our joint account right now).

I want to be the LBS that can truly see that the A has to run its course, that H has to decide to end it/leave it before he can move on, but it is hard. I can understand H separating from me, not wanting to be with me, but I have the hardest time with is new neglect of his children. His love for them was something I thought was intrinsic, that his care and thoughtfulness for them would remain through this whole MLC. It was one part of him I loved.
So it scares me that if that isn't part of who he truly is, that I won't love him as much. If I see more and more of the things I loved about H disappear, I am very scared that I won't love the man remaining.

I think I understand that we love our spouses through the MLC by remembering who they were before the MLC, b/c once through the MLC the original person returns(?but changed?). But it sure is a big fear of mine that the H I loved won't return. There is truly less and less of that loveable spouse visible to me right now.
Any antidotes from those with more experience?