It's funny when we think we are ok mentally, but physically our bodies always manage to tell us something different. I tried to run 5k at the gym which takes me about 30 mins, but when I tried to run my legs were like jelly and I only managed to run for 5 mins so my gym session was well and truly pooped. This evening as I type on the computer my chest feels tight so a quick check of my blood pressure tells me I am on 165/95. Don't panic if you are medically minded, I am already on medication, have been for 8 years, but it is todays events which have elevate the blood pressure into the relms of hypertension.
This evening when I got home W was saying nothing so I know she got my txt and I know she knows she's in the wrong. The only thing I said to her was that I wasn't having dinner tonight with her as I was going to the gym, then off to the hospital to see my mum. Well, that gave her the excuse to rant about me not telling her my plans, how she had cooked so much food, and I could have told her this earlier, and how she was never going to cook for me again etc, etc. My response was "I don't know why you are angry at me, I'm not the one who is [censored] around outside this marriage". I know not very DB.
While we are on that point I sent email to Om and told him that I would perform again the surgery that he recently had on his back passage, this time without anaesthetic, if our paths ever cross. I know, I know, this is a big no no but it was how I was feeling at the time. Anyway that will be the only time I elevate his importance here.
So I will now be embarking on a period of darkness with W whilst still maintaining my co parenting duties.
Hey Lan - dont fret the bad workout - it happens to everyone. Maybe it was just better to take a good long walk. There will be better running days ahead.
I cant blame you being stressed about the wife's behavior. I hope you dont get yourself in legal troubles with physical threats by email to OM.
Lan, I think showing her you know or getting angry in front of her is giving away too much of your dignity. I know its hard not to explode, or get afraid and suck up, or DB, but maybe the way to tackle these sorts of things is with cool and calculated action. For example, gather your facts, print the evidence and file it away. Then without W's knowledge, quietly protect yourself financially and legally - take all your money and put it in a joint account with your mom or sister. Then take a hammer and cooly and calmly smash the computer and throw it in the trash. Or you can decide the computer is broken and needs fixing so take it totally apart and pull out every circuit board, screw and wire so it cannot be put back again. Do likewise with the cell phone - microwave the SIMcard for 30 seconds and put it back in her phone. Or download the picture of OMs 'not so little Little Man' as a screensaver. Be a Bad Ass MF Lan. Sorry, had to get that out of my system ;-)
I have learnt a lot in the past five years about myself and about cheating people and this occasion I think I needed to show some emotion or anger,or at least get somthing out of my system. Having done that I'll get back to being good old me, but this time my actions won't be geared towards saving this M as I mentioned at the start of this particular thread, I'm feeling very weary in regards to this M. However I can see a long period of fractious co existing ahead, but then again haven't I been doing that for the past 5 years if not the whole duration of this M.
if you swap patient, for strapped for cash with not too many other options then that would be a better description of me.
So what now. Well I just need to adjust my mindset a little, "She's not my W but a person I share a house with". Then I get with the program for those idle hour in the house, well they won't be idle and I won't be in the house. Most likely be down the gym getting my self into real good shape.
Then concentrate on D7 and get the best out of her, if W wants to continue with her sordid little games she can do although it won't be as much fun now as things are out in the open now.
Hey Lan, I for one commend you for exposing your W and OM. That was a 180 if I ever heard of one. I had to do something similar a while ago. When we have evidence that is conclusive, it is extremely difficult to keep it inside. I do not know what you uncovered on the computer but it sure affected you. I am sorry that this is taking a toll on you physically. Do not underestimate the effects of the stress that you are feeling. Take care of yourself Lan.
I made a decision a while ago that if I ever discovered anything concrete showing a return to infidelity, I would throw it out into the open and let all parties deal with it. Lest see if its still fun if its not a secret. I also decided I would show more emotion and not bottle things up as I have done in the past. I've done that bit, so yes maybe a 180 for me.
What I discovered on the emails was basically saucy chat that goes beyond what I find acceptable, well I couldn't see the chat but the titles lead me to think that way , "sex", "you sexy thing". Other titles were about "work, dad, me, you. hi, txt good night and shopping". Most emails were requisitions for W to go on line to chat. However a couple were about how OM misses W and he thinks about her all the time.
My gut feel is that this is an EA where W is letting him massage her ego, but I think he is looking to get more out of it.
On another front I was also talking to my niece who used to work for the CSA (child support agency), she gave some advice on how to proceed if things were to head towards the end game. If I do move out, I must do so physically and financially, and she let me know all the CSA guidelines. Last time I moved out in 2007 I did so but still paid all the bills. But she said I was to only consider moving out as one of my options. Bottom line was to just batten down the hatches for now and see what happens.
Mentally I don't feel as fragile as I have done in the past, but physically I do feel some signs of stress, so yes I need to look after me. I'm not sure if I can cope with gym session and running at this time but this will most likely leave me short of training for my 10k run. I will see how I feel at the end of the week.
Lam, Please take it easy on the workouts.Your W is addicted to this stuff. Confronting it decisively seems like the best approach. She needs professional help.
I agree with fb2 and I've told you before I think, she needs constant "validation" and ego stroking. She seems to be very insecure and selfish. You know her best but I agree, your response was called for. K Yes, take care of you. If you dont, no one else will.
