Busting My WAW

[PositivelyMommy]

I see a lot of anger in your post. I don't blame you but your anger is not good for YOU.

Words like, 'I did nothing wrong.. She doesn't deserve to be with her kids.' Of course, we all contributed to the breakdown of our M. Every parent deserves to be with their kids unless there is serious abuse going on.

Words like,'I need her to be the kind of woman she was before..' These are wishlists. You NEED her to be a certain way??? That is A LOT OF PRESSURE TO PUT ON SOMEONE!!

Do you see why she is running away from you right now? No one wants to be under that kind of pressure in a loving relationship. Life is hard as it is with work, illness, obligations, kids, schedules. To have your partner 'need to you be a certain way' maybe is too much for your wife. She is trying to tell you that. I know you don't want to hear it but you have to start to ACCEPT things.

I know you don't want to let go, but you do have to accept some truths right now. It doesn't mean you give up or necessarily agree with everything she is doing. That is not what I mean at all. But AT THIS POINT, she is decided to leave. She has started to withdraw big time. Chasing after her and demanding physical affection is NOT going to work!! Demanding your wife to ML to you WILL not make her want to come back to you. Ask yourself, are you asking her to ML to you so that you will have some short-term loving and affection from her or do you think it will really turn her around and make her want to stay?? Truthfully!

You have come to a point where DEMANDING your husbandly hugs and kisses is useless for your M. You have to face it. Now, you must decide, do you want to save your M, or do you just want to get some before she leaves once and for all. Because, to me, from my point of view, you are doing a very good job of the later.

I doubt when DB coach said to stand up to her and act like a man, she meant for you to pester her into s*x. I really really doubt it. What she probably meant is to stand your ground verbally as in 'I understand how you could feel this way, but I am against D' and then leave it at that. Don't let her throw you out of your own home, don't let her take your kids away without visitation, that sort of thing. Not to throw yourself on her!!

I understand that men need physical affection to feel loved. I totally understand but please analyze what you are doing, it is not working so please stop. Not forcing yourself on her doesn't equal to 'being a nice guy', it's just common courtesy not to force her into doing something she is definitely not comfortable with. Again and again you have described on this BB that she has not felt like it, told her she was not in the mood and you still went ahead. THAT is not listening.

You think she respects you when you force affection from her? No way. She doesn't respect you. She wants to get away. So you need to detach, man.

Stop pursuing now. She is telling you she needs to get away. There is no way you can stop her from leaving. The 180 here is say that you understand her feelings and LET HER LEAVE. Yes, you have taking a huge chance here. She may not come back. You have to ACCEPT that. But if you continue to chase her down, I will guarantee you she WILL NOT come back. So your odds are to let her leave now in hopes that she will leave the door open and in future consider a reconciliation. Do you understand me now?

If not, I will be happy to clarify.