I'm now part of a Jerry Springer show!

[goingtofixME]

Got The Five Love Languages in the mail today. I am so heartbroken. I mentioned this book to my H in the recent past. I so wish I would have bought it then. We have been speaking the wrong love language to each other for quite some time.

He is apparently still at the gym. I saw his truck there this afternoon while getting my baby girl. The girls and I went and walked a mile and a half at the park. It felt really good. Although I did get blisters on the pads of my feet!

I keep receiving mail for my H here at the house. He told me that he needed his passport for the post office for his PO box. I would figure that he would have his mail being forwarded by now. I've gotten his GED, his new bankcard, and his cellphone bill in the past few days. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with them because I honestly had thought he got kicked out of the gym. I just can't find it in me to be mean. It's not my nature.

I am not a vendictive person. When backed into a corner, threatened, or hurt, I am probably the meanest thing ever known to man. I can say things that will hurt you to your very core. It's a learned behavior. Not necessarily something I am proud of.

Reading that book opened my eyes as nothing else has. It spoke to me and really made me understand where my H was coming from. The really weird thing is that both of us were totally clueless in communicating with each other. We were not speaking the same language and even though he felt that he had tried and that he had told me over and over and over, it never sunk in because I was trying to interpret it with my own language. It all makes sense now. Why does it always have to make sense when it doesn't feel like it will do you any good? I mean I realize I can use it for relationships in the future, but why can't you stumble onto this stuff when you are in the midst of the turmoil so that it can be an epiphany type thing and you can save your marriage before it's to this point?

I want to take my H mail to him and leave it and this book in the truck where he told me I could leave his mail. I'm unsure if he would even read it. Right now he has someone who he is in the "in love" stage with. It won't last though because there are so many things about him that she won't be able to do for him. He loves to cook. He got that from his dad. His mom would get almost orgasmic from the food his dad would cook for her. He always wanted me to be that way and I never understood it, but I at least was willing to try the food he cooks. His OW does not like to try anything different.

I have gotten to a point where I am working on me. I have worked out twice in the past two days. I have read some books. I have watched movies with the kids. I am continuing my courses in school. I am down 37.4 pounds and counting. I am still finding it difficult to eat. I would bet I am eating maybe 1000 calories a week. I am existing on sweet tea. I am nauseous most of the time and find myself dry heaving. Stress is a witch. People all tell me to eat and I do try. It just doesn't ever sit well. Going to have to look into some liquid nutrition.

I wish someone would give some really needed advice.