It's Complicated! Part 6

[job]

Glam,
Sounds like the wheels are turning and you are moving forward. It will be a "release" of sorts to declutter. We all need to do this periodically. We all tend to hold on to things far longer than need be. I do hope that you are able to sell some things on ebay.

You are off to a good start. Don't over do it when it comes to the lifting and moving of things. Memories will come to the surface as you chuck things that you and your h purchased together. Experience the feelings and then let them go.

Good luck on the declutter!

[glamgirl]

Yes you are so right Snodderly. Thank you! I started in my closet last night and was finishing this am, when our wedding album came tumbling down into my lap. I started to cry. I didn't open it though, since I knew there would be a flood of tears.

My wedding dress was also amongst the closet items. I just set them aside for now. Not sure what to do with those photos and dress. I also found a photo of my mom. I miss her so much. She has been gone for 33 years, but I really never got to know her. She died young and I was a teen.

I want to go home, but I don't know where home is. I feel so lost and alone right now.

I did put a big bag of clothes together for charity. It is feeling good to purge. I have asked for S20 to help me set-up selling on e-bay and craigs list and should be ready for a garage sale within about 45 days. I have lots of decluttering to do though, so this is a big project.

[naej]

Wow Glam, you certainly don't "let the grass grow" after having watched an orchard sprout!
Not sure if you will be familiar with that expression, but I am in awe at your organisational ability. Your precision-

should be ready for a garage sale within about 45 days

you put me to shame, I contemplated the very thing for ahem years!
Be mindful though as Snodderly said, I was beginning to get my head sorted and then had a move and in downsizing I had to part with a huge amount of stuff, singlehanded as H said he wanted nothing which also meant he wasn't helping in the decluttering and I had a major breakdown.
So take care.
I can see this project is helping your spirits though. One day at a time. You are going to be fine whatever your future holds because now you are in charge of your life and doesn't it feel good.

[job]

Glam,
Not to sound corny, but....home is where your heart is. Home is where you are, it's not a house it's what's in your heart and where you opt to plant your roots.

As for the wedding photos and dress...store them away for safe keeping. Some day, your children may want to see them and who knows, a family member may want to wear the dress. They are just keepsakes and will not hurt you. Memories will come and go as you pack. The memories you had this morning are the good ones. Do not allow what is happening now to mar those memories.

You may have been young when your mother passed away, but Glam, you most likely carry many of her traits. Frame your mother's photo and keep it close so that you can see it every day. She's there w/you. There is a reason it appeared when it did.

Good luck!

[dl443322]

Hey G, you are an amazing woman. Dont ever forget that.

Now, decluttering sets my heart afire - LOL! So, if you need tips, just ask.

My mom is gone a long time too, my dad even longer. It is hard, isnt it? But I really feel my mother's presence often. When I am really stressed or unsure, that's when I feel it the most. She is there for you. Mom's always are.

G, try not to keep stuff you dont really need or want. Memories are in your head. Save the stuff that is really special, get rid of the rest. Whether you move or not, decluttering and letting go of stuff is a fresh start.

You are going to be feeling a lot of different emotions in the process. Move through them.

Thinking of you. B

[glamgirl]

Ok back stress again like you wouldn't believe. Man I feel like crap. H came over on Sunday. He was late, no suprise. Said he would be over for breakfast, not.

He started in on me. I lost it. I was rather harsh. He is always comparing the number of jeans I have to his. I finally just said what is the point you are trying to make? Would you like me to pick you up a pair of jeans? He said just making a comment.

I left for work, didn't say goodbye. I did though send him an e-mail setting boundaries about the way I was feeling. H called later in the day after he read the e-mail and was very nice. He asked if he could come pick me up at work and take me and the kids out for a quick bite to eat. H picked me up and we had a nice dinner.

He said how he was going to be coming over more often and he said he would come over in the am to help get the kids off to school. Ok now that would be a start.

He came over today in a very good mood. Talking of all the things he will be doing in the near future. He said he had a headache. We had a nice dinner with the kids.

Then his mom and dad called and said they would be over in an hour. Then are visiting from CA and then taking D5 for a few weeks. As soon as they called, h said I am leaving. Don't want to see my parents. He said he would come by again after they left town. Gee when will it all end?

My back is in immense pain again. I know it's stress related. Not sure how to relax. My friend is having the same issue, she had 6 cortozone shots today. That sounds tempting. I just want the pain to stop, but it won't until things get better at work.

I will try the gym and chiro tomorrow. This is so crappy.

Thanks all for the encouragement.

[braveheart]

Glam. please don't rely on cortizone. All that will do is give you a false sense of wellness. Try to treat the problem, not the pain.

[peacetoday]

GG
Hang in
meditation
yoga
I know time is short but this will help you relax
even 20 minutes of sunsalutations and stretches
5 minutes meditation
Glad to see you H is deciding to Help more
Maybe he is turning a corner
peace

[naej]

Hi Glam, You must find ways of dealing with the stress ,backpain is very debilitating.
I am afraid I dont see H turning any corners I see more of the same dance, in which you are both players.
You say,do one thing, he says,does another. One long dance.
It will not change until you alter the steps.

Take care of you. You cannot trust or rely on him.

[glamgirl]

Ok still having back issues. Went to Chiro, he said try doing stretches. Worked out at the gym, feel slightly better. Took 1 advil, I pray the throwing up doesn't start.

H's mom and dad helped with the kids in the am. It was so nice not to have to deal with them, with all the back issues I am having.

H's dad said he was hoping to see his son. He said Glam I won't be living much longer and it will be to late to see my son. That broke my heart. Once they are gone, there is no reconciliation. It will haunt my h for the rest of his life.

I know, my mom was very ill when I was a teen. She died of cancer and it was horrible to see her this way. What did I know at age 15. I never went to visit her at the hospital. I couldn't stand to see her that way. I regret that so much. I never got to say goodbye. It haunts me till this day, so I see how much pain all of this causes. If only my h had the courage to say I am sorry or accept you mom and dad for what you said to me. I am so saddened, my h truly does not know what he is missing. H's parents are so nice.

The madness and ruin continues!