I'm pretty sure she still wants the D, and that the only reason she hasn't really forced the papers on me yet is that I told her before and again that I am not in the same place as she is yet, and that if she wants to force this thing through, then I know it will not be amicable, and this will not be good for our son. But I do know that she says that she feels like she is living in limbo cause she feels she doesn't have closure and can't start a new life yet.
Though I have many reasons to just toss in the towel, I still feel that I would want to save the marriage if I could. Esp everytime I see my son, or look at his picture, it makes my heartbreak. And when he tells me every weekend that he missed me alot, I feel like I have to fight back tears. But at this point, I really, really don't know what I can do anymore. I am staring down the jaws of D, and have no idea how to fight back.
Funny thing is that we also got to talking about movies at one point, and she mentioned that her sister gave her the movie Fireproof to watch. I have heard of the movie too, so I got hold of it today and watched it just in case there was something there that could help me now. And the movie made me tear up so many times because in so many parts I felt like Kirk Cameron's character was me. But of course it's a movie, so there's a happy ending. So I don't know if doing anything with The Love Dare would have any affect in my RL sitch.
Plus since she also saw the movie, she would know exactly what I was doing anyway. And it seems like The Love Dare would be considered 'pursuing' behavior according to DBing.
Though I'm getting better at detachment now, there are moments where my heart and stomach just completely sinks at the thought of all this. I still don't want the D though I know we would need alot of work to heal through this. Though you say the ball is in my court, it really doesn't feel like it.
