Seperated

[LitlHopeAlwys]

Once you are served, IMO anyway, you are under no obligation to tell your W you retained counsel. Once it is made known that you have, how you choose to handle things is up to you. Some couples can work together w/the attnys sort of in the background and some cant. But its best to have your own attny IMO.

Keep your attny in the loop and let them help you w/the legal side of things so you can stray strong on the emotional front. That is why you are paying an attny.

I guess right now the hardest thing is that we went out on a dinner date, and had a good time together, it almost seemed as if things were heading in the right direction, for a change(I was even contemplating calling the atty not to show for the first day, but was afraid that i would be emotionally weak, even with the atty there the tears were swelling in my eyes.)
Its amazing because not even a month before she left, we were actually trying to get pregnant with our second child, and then about 3 weeks later everything just went down hill. She insists that there is no way she can get over being bitter - but I don;t think that she is willing to try - I know you can't forgive and forget, but things can be worked through and talked about.

The W has even commented on how I lost weight (biking 10+ miles a day, 20 lbs lost), and how the therapy may be helping me(although she is not sure she sees a difference - but she isn't around much) my close friends have noticed it and are amazed at the way nothing gets me anger anymore, they can even hear the change in my attitude on the phone. She even said that I will make a good husband someday - for who, who knows.
Its just mind boggling how fast things turn around from small positive steps to really really negative attitudes.

I think the thing that hurt her the most about me not telling her that i had an atty was because she had sat down to talk with me that she had filed for custody so I wouldn't be blindsided by it. From the way she spoke today while angry still, it doesn't seem like the two of us will be working it out very easily - the attys might be the front line on this one, unless she calms down, and thinks things through. The one thing about my atty is that she is a distant relative - just happens to be half-brothers aunt - whom the W and i have met and talked to at holidays for a year or so now(I actually choose here as the atty hoping the W would be more comfortable). Maybe I'm just too nice a person now and always thinking about the W's convenience and feelings.
There was one thing that my atty did point out today at one point after my W wouldn't talk to me, when I was sitting with my atty she directed me to look at her. She actually had some tears in her eyes and was upset or hurt - the atty seemed to think that she may still care or have some feelings still there. Albeit that if she does she is certainly trying to keep them from surfacing and trying to avoid them bringing us closer to R.