I think in situations like this its very important to let the attny handle certain things. Yes, your W might have had an idea of how things will go but it seems she never investigated it and now she is angry that it isnt happening as she assumed.
Once you are served, IMO anyway, you are under no obligation to tell your W you retained counsel. Once it is made known that you have, how you choose to handle things is up to you. Some couples can work together w/the attnys sort of in the background and some cant. But its best to have your own attny IMO.
Keep your attny in the loop and let them help you w/the legal side of things so you can stray strong on the emotional front. That is why you are paying an attny.
