Sounds like she does hide behind it, because I don't buy that she isn't touchy *at all* during her P *because of cramps and irritability*. I hope you're not talking about basic hugging, snuggling, and kissing, too? That would sound a bit far fetched to me.
I think you have to keep in mind our history with regard to her P time of the month (that I sketched above) and also keep in mind that she is coming from a natural inclination to be non-touchy, and non-sexual (from her abuse history). She has bravely embarked on a path with me to become -more- touch oriented and -more- sexual, but it's still in the early stages, really, and still feels very contrived to her at times. She has to -make- herself come to me and show physical affection for me: the natural 'tickle' to do so just isn't there.
So during this 'time of the month,' where there is a history of her being defensive and me being grumpy, and since, in her mind, she -is- sexually unavailable during that time frame, it makes sense that she would also withdraw (without even thinking about it) from even day-to-day, non-sexual affection and touching.
I have pointed out to her that non-sexual affection and touching is even -more- important to me if she is going to continue putting up the sexual 'shield' during her P. I have also reminded her that I am more than welcome to trying the myriad of other potential activities outside of vaginal intercourse, if she wanted to give it a try. Heck, back in my young adult days, one of my wildest and most enjoyable sexual relationships was with a "good Catholic girl" who made vaginal intercourse completely off-limits, but the two of us did pretty much everything -else- under the sun, with enthusiasm.
One step at a time, however...
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
