You let the lack of a present hurt you? Really? You are stronger than that! Hey, my H used OUR money that we had saved for a year to take OW on a vacation WE planned. LOL! And yes, that stung something terrible. But a little trinket from Florida? Shouldnt even be a blip on your radar.
WAS avoid doing anything that they think will give the LBS "false hope" (i.e. bringing you a gift). So, dont let yourself get caught up in false hope and learn to manage your expectations. Right now you should be expecting the final divorce decree to be filed ASAP and that you will soon be a single man and nothing more than a co-parent with your W. That way, if and when that happens you will be ready and if it doesnt, look how strong you got preparing for the worst while still making your life better.
And no, your W doesnt get to keep all the nice stuff and you take all the trashy leftovers. Do you have an attny? If so what has been said about the division of housheold property? I know laws differ by state but my attny basically told me to either (A) work it out between the two of you or (B) declare the value of every bit of furniture and art and we will figure it out that way.
It is stupid to bicker over a garbage can or something like that. But as far as big ticket items go there is no reason for you to get all the sloppy seconds. So, get one step ahead of her. Go room by room and write down the value of each "big ticket item", present it to her and tell her you have come up with a plan to divide things but would like her input as well. Its fair, reasonable and you both get a say. And yes, she will put up a hissy fit because you are setting boundaries but too bad. And if she does continue the conflict simply say.. well, maybe when you have had some time to review we can visit this subject again. Let her know you will be fair and reasonable but no more BS will be tolerated!
