I wish you didn't have to ask her for squat so that she didn't have the satisfaction of feeling useful to you. Regardless, she's just as responsible for your daughter as you are, so please don't feel like you have to be too nice as if you're asking for some big favor.
If you DO end up a single parent, would your boss (sorry, don't know military lingo) be understanding of you needing to go pick up your daughter? If it's not appropriate for you to require flexibility for these situations, then it is going to be very important that you start meeting local people and making new friends.
If this is a consistent situation... Some people I know have after-school, part-time childcare workers that pick up their kids, take them home, get them fed and doing their homework, and wait until the parent comes home. Good to ask the daycare workers about any services like this. In this economy, daycares are expanding their services. If the daycare doesn't offer it, their workers might want to make extra money on the side, independent of the daycare.
