I know I know.. I cant help it though, I miss him so much, even now, it kills me.
You know what though? The only two good reaons he could come up with when he left me were.. I dont love you and I didnt miss you (when we were S for a week, Sept 07).
And in the past two weeks, I heard .. he DOES love me and he DOES miss me. I knew all along he missed me.. he told me himself several times last year, but this is different, like he really misses me enough to be telling everyone now, and the "I love her" was pretty huge. Sort of vindicated (even if he isnt back!)
But yes, he hasnt yet said he wants back. And then if you look at the 'success stories', some of them are struggling. There are no gaurantees though, I could get back with the Piscean, be fine for a year or two.. and then start to think I had made a terrible mistake. I cant theorise that far, its too hypothetical, I can just go on what I feel now.. I love him and miss him and would be grateful frankly for a 2nd shot at it, and would behave very differently after all the things I learnt here, with the help of my DB friends (patience, kindness, compassion, things are not always as they seem, allowances for peoples faults, learn to appreciate happy moments, laugh more, listen more, be respectful of others, be forgiving)
