OK, but you're still racy and sexy with her during that time, right? Just to keep the tone consistent so that she doesn't only equate that tone with your expectation for action? IOW, you don't totally back off, right?
No, I don't back off, at least not initially. What commonly happens each month is that -she- backs off from being touching and affectionate --> disappearing behind her 'shield' or into her shell, without even realizing it. She focuses on doing her own thing, handling her own family responsibiilties, and all affection, and loving words / actions are simply 'echoes' of what I bring to her ("I love you," "I love you too," type stuff). This goes on for about a week after her P starts, and even if I do initiate and drag her to bed with me, her body often doesn't want to respond, even if she mentally -may- want to. I suspect that it's a hormone thing, a 'slump' in T levels or some such that we have to ride through each month, although there is some history there too (see below).
She generally won't even realize that she's pulled away from me, affection and touching wise because doing so on a regular, daily basis is something that she still has to force herself to do, especially if she initiates it -- it's not natural yet. So during this time period, she unknowingly backs away from that conscious effort to her more 'natural' non-touchy state. After a few days of it I -do- tend to get annoyed, but yes, I know that being grumpy isn't the way to fix it --> worst thing I can do, really, because it causes me to then back away from her in response....a bad cycle. I also recognize that there is probably some chicken-egg effect at play here too: in the past I would get uber grumpy when her period showed up, so now, as a matter of course, she goes into a defensive stance with no prompting from me at all. We both need to get out of it.
Lucky, also keep in mind that she isn't like either you or DQ in that as a general rule she -doesn't like- my being 'racy' or 'sexy' or 'frisky' on a frequent basis with her during the day. She gets annoyed by it, and start to suspect that my every non-sexual touch is really a sexual touch in disguise, which ruins their positive effect for her. I usually have to pick and choose my moments where a suggestive comment or a stolen kiss & grope will be appreciated and make her smile -- which isn't at this time of the month. You are far more receptive and appreciative of your husband doing such things than my W is.....yet.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
