I am sorry for what you have to endure. In my situation, one of the few areas in which my SBXH has behaved in a decent manner is the financial aspect of divorce, but I do think it is disgusting that a relationship once made of love and respect and hope gets reduced to financial negotiations, no matter how smotthly or fairly they may go.
Seems I have not posted to my thread in quite sometime, so. I guess I will use this opportunity.
I continue to make progress in finding my happiness and making my way through my life. My focus has shifted away from processing how the demise of my marriage occurred. I know what happened, why and how it happened, and what I must do for me to not end up in such a relationship in the future. Instead, my focus is much more centered on myself and how to fulfill myself, meet my needs and even some of my desires. It feels so wonderful to focus on myself. I have learned, through this process, that such focus is not selfish, nor is it self-centered or wrong. On the contrary, it is vital to being a healthy and whole person. There is an amazing sense of peace that comes from meeting one's own needs.
My new apartment starts to feel less foreign to me. While it does not feel like "home" I am not sure anywhere could feel like home right now. This has more to do with the unsettled issues in my life, unrelated to SBXH - things like when to return to school, where to apply, my growing sense of apathy towards my career.
The biggest struggle for me is the occasional bout of feeling "untethered." Sometimes I get the feeling that nothing grounds me in this world. Things in which I had believed for many years turned out to be not what I thought them to be and this rattles me at times. That said, I have learned, with a lot of help, to see that there is incredible opportunity in the freedom that comes from being untethered. I am learning to see the mistake in my assumption that being untethered is necessarily a bad thing.
I have a few other issues with which I still struggle. Rather than list them here, I will say that what matters more about them is that they have to do with me and me alone; they have nothing to do with my SBXH.
I start to feel genuinely hopeful about the path my life is taking - no strike that, we all talk out of habit too much - the path I am choosing for my life. The good days now outnumber the bad days and I rebound from the bad moments so much more quickly, I laugh more than I cry, I play, I joke, I dance, I feel attracted, I feel attractive - these are just a few of the things I wondered if I would ever again manage to do. Well, not only do I manage, they are quickly becoming part of my normal life.
I feel as though I am finally emerging, as though the blossoming I mentioned in this thread title is turning, very slowly but very surely, into full bloom.
