Divorced and really scared.

[cat03]

Depression is very crippling and, having lived with a depressed person, I totally see how it might've been when you two were together, it is like living with a zombie. But again, no matter how x behaved at the time I truly cared for him and since Sep. 2006 til of Jan 08 (on and off) I was there for him even when he gave me nothing. I never rubbed it in his face, I never told him how much he took emotionally from me, he was ill and I choose to stand by him.

so I've let him tell me off more than once because I thought I deserved it and if the truth be known, I probably did. But I've taken my licks long enough so I want it to stop so we can go back to the way it was.

He had the right to say "you know what? this isn't working, we should part ways, I am unhappy with this situation", he had no right to verbally abuse you and drive you to the ground because at the time you couldn't give him what he thought you "owed" him.
You know how Rs begin, all is great and beautiful and perfect at the beginning. Once you guys moved in together reality set in and you two learned about each other for real, the not so flattering sides of you came out. You now have learned how he truly is, he is a very vindictive and angry person when someone wrongs him.
You want back your sweet boyfriend from the first weeks/months, when there were no strings attached and there were no responsibilities. That is not going to happen because the infatuation has run it's curse, accept that what you see is what you get, this is how he truly is, he didn't get what he wanted so he lashed out.

You want someone to tell you that this is a salvageable R, you really want this to work even if this person is toxic and is doing you emotional harm, I dont' think anyone here agrees this is a good person for you hon.

A) Because I think he's wonderful other than...

other than him being abusive?

You were (are?) depressed, you were perhaps not the best partner with him but that did not make you an abuser.