Just wanted to let you all know that your support was GREAT yesterday!! I did even pick up the phone to call H. And today, I'm alright so far. No itch to call him. Will see how the day goes. Thanks again guys. There is some really great karma coming your way. ((((((Hugs))))))
Ok, gotta fill you guys in on my crazy H (I like calling him that lately)... so thank God, with you guys support I didn't call him yesterday and with no surprise he called me today. At first I wasn't going to answer and then I figured, what the hell. I made sure I answered and I was in good spirits.
Me: Hey what's happening? H:I haven't hear from me since the party on Saturday. I was calling to see if you ok thought something happened to you. Me: Yea, I was going to call you on Sunday but I went out with my friend. H: Ooo Me: And no it wasn't a guy, I know how you like to think. (In hindsight, I actually shouldn't have even said this but I did.) H: Oh please I know you're seeing someone. Your friends are always more than friends. (I can understand him saying that since I did make up "OM" and have done these stunts before.) Me: Sorry, I brought this up and I actually don't want to have this conversation. So what's happening. H: I just wanted to see if you're ok since I thought somethng happened to you. Me: I'm alright here... (then we went on to talk about business stuff). H: we don't even talk much anymore really. (I ignored that comment.)(business stuff business stuff) Me: Well, I gotta get back to work since I will be here late. Take it easy.
Then, H calls right back.
H: Is everything ok? I'm getting this weird feeling. (I know the weird feeling he's getting is that I'm not pursuing him anymore) H: Are you pregnant? Any disease? Or anything I should know about. (Yea, he actually asked this. But I know where they stem from. Although H has a son with OW, he always has this fear of me moving on and starting a family with another guy.) Me: Nope, not pg. And if I have anything trust me I would take you down with me. (Both H and I went and got tested lately so I know he is fishing. I do hate the fact that this is even a possibility though.) H: Me, not me, the other guy you're seeing... Anyway, I wanna tell you that I do appreciate you. And when I come back home. Me: Stop! I don't want to hear it. H: I know you don't want to hear it but let me just tell you. Me: No I don't want to hear. H: Just listen for a minute. Me: Fine, go ahead. H: When I come back home I know what I need to do, ok? I know what I did wrong. (I just listened to him go on). Me: Ok.
You know this conversation made me realize that H is definitely feeling and noticing the change in me. I think he is beginning to realize that he doesn't have things under control as much as he thought. Thanks to the help of you guys. Don't get me wrong, I know he is not there yet. But I see progress. But I know I need to de-throne his a-s, H really thinks he has me under his wraps. The scale has to tip in this relationship. So I have to keep it up.
So, my plan of action gpoing forward, I need to keep the distance up. I know he will try to reach out again soon, so I need to not answer. One of the things I want to stop is H using this "I'm coming home." "I plan to come home." I think he uses it as his weapon and he thinks it another way come to control me. I don't want to hear it until he makes a move to do what he needs to do. H will play this game for as long as I allow it. So I was thinking the next time he brings it up, if on the phone I will say forcefully, "stop I don't want to hear it until you have done something about it. I gotta go." What do you think? What should I do in person? And I really don't want to hear it for real. My sister's children father left and had her waiting for over 5 years saying that he's coming back while he lived with another woman. I don't want that to be me, I refuse for that to be me. I feel either he takes action or stuff it.
Glad you are staying strong. Its making him think but more importantly its getting you detached and stronger.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Haven't been able to post on the site for a few days. Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I think I might have backslided a bit, not quite sure but here's the latest on H and I.
After his call on Wed, I didn't speak to him until Fri. So I was home from work on Fri and H's job called - the HR dept. The woman asked for him and I said he wasn't there and she asked if I'm his wife, I said yes, and then she asked me what hospital H went to yesterday (Thurs). It actually scared me, and I said, is he ok, and then I told her that we're actually separated and gave her his #. I kinda was lost on what to do consider DB but I then decided to do what's right and I called H. He didn't answer and then I text him asking if he's alright hear he went to the hospital. Still no response. Then I actually called him back again in the afternoon. And then h answered. I think he's been reading counter-DBing because I think he wanted to string me along and have me worry. He then told me that a piece of metal had gone into his eye on the job and then went he went to get it out, his eye started to bleed so they called the ambulance. Funny thing is that I was thinking that if I was with H I would have been out of work and there at the hospital but I think he was there all alone. So that was Fri. Then later the evenign a neighbor from where H and I have our other property told me she was talking to H about the foreclosure we're facing and out of the blue he tells her I'm going home soon and the wife and I will sit and talk things out.
Sat, we had a rental and just text each other. But I had the best Sat. I've started a vegetable garden. Worked hard on it this weekend. I am so looking forward to caring for my garden. A totally new thing for me.
On Sunday, I ran into a friend of H and we chatted for a long time. Her H and my H worked together. Funny thing is that these were people who I did not like my H being close to b/c I felt their influence for our marriage is terrible and it was confirmed yesterday. Long story but H and her H got into some trouble and her H is now in jail. Really I can say though that he's not a criminal type - it was a minor issue but they don't have the bail money and he's left stuck in there. Really actually very sad. But she then went on to tell me that she loves her H but is no longer in love with him she loves someone else. It is a totally ridiculous situation b/c the guy she is in love with father of my sister, who is actually married to another woman, and is friends with her H. The world has gone mad I tell you. There is no longer morals left in the world. So my H had called when I was talking to her and then I called him back after I left to fill him in b/c we had always suspected that there was something going on. So we talked and laughed about the gossip for a good while yesterday. H was actually as disgusted as I am.
The thing is that in our conversation H again showed that he's been doing lot of thinking about us. He went on to talk about how when you live a certain way good things don't happen in you life and how we were progressing well. I of course agree b/c I am a firm believer that people who cheat and mess around just don't live a good life. I know I probably shouldn't be having this convo with him but he brought up how our sex life together too was great. And I said that BTW H's friends wife told me that H said that you said OW is more crazy in bed and I was shocked. And H said firmly absolutely not. He said trust me, we had much more fun. Which in my mind I was thinking wait a minute now... so what the hell is it that this girl has over me. She's dumb, immortal, uneducated, not at all attractive (everyone confirmed this not just me being biased). Other than having a child for H, what else is there.
Now, today, I called H again (I know, way too many times), but I so wanted to ask him, if he's saying I was so good to him, etc. Then why did he do those things to me. I had a sincere talk with him and asked him, why would he hurt someone like that who was good to him. H said Vic I just don't know. I told him that he immensely hurt me and he said he knows and he's sorry, but he never really meant to hurt me. We then went on to all total R talk, about him coming back home. I let him know which is what I've been wanting to tell him that one of my requirements is that he is not friends with OW. I know they have their child and the boy needs his father but he can't be friends with someone who is against our M. H was very resistant to that saying that he will need to talk about his son. I agree and I said only in emergency. I even asked him about since OW would keep his son away from him if he comes back, is her intention that he can only have his son if he is with her or stay alone? H said that's what it sounds like. But H then said that he loves me, and his son, and her. So I said that mix just doesn't work at all and I don't mine moving on with my life. I told him that he will have to chose who he's going to hurt b/c one us will be hurt in the long run. I even told H that he will have to decide what sacrifices he willing to make for his marriage to work. I made sure I emphasized though that his son's feelings are the most important thing since he didn't ask for this either. I even asked H what is it that he loves about OW and he said he doesn't know. It's really the fact that she gave him his son. Anyway, we left it off that he has a lot of decisions to make and he would need to prove himself to me. He said that he does want to come home. I said that I need actions but I don't want to talk to him too much really until we have resolved things and he has taken action. Lots more was discussed I guess but that's all for now.
I know Pup. It's a true fault of mine - not just with H. Even my mother says so. I gotta ssay not sure if its the feminine side, but H has always said I talk way too much. But I gotta say, my verbose manner has done me well academically and professionally. Not good relationship wise though.
Very funny... sometimes it like when I start I just can't stop myself. I've always told my SIL how much I admire her... when she's mad at my brother she's able to give him the total silent treatment. It drives him mad.
By the way eveeryone, it was so great to hear H mentioned that he was thinking this weekend about when he cut his hand and we had to go to the ER and he remembered I was there with him. Uhhh, I know he wished I was there with him when he got hurt on Thurs. I just know it. I babied his behind way too much.
I've always told my SIL how much I admire her... when she's mad at my brother she's able to give him the total silent treatment. It drives him mad.