You say you've read the Sex Starved Marriage book. That's a great first step. Did you understand your part in your marriage by reading the book? By that I mean, you have your part in this, too. You have mentioned that you step up and do things where your wife doesn't (cleaning, cooking, etc). Do you realize that if you step up to the extent that you are resentful, that this is actually YOUR problem, not hers? You cannot "help" and be resentful at the same time. You either choose to do these chores because you want to for your family, or you set boundaries and negotiate with her. You are also saying that she works too, and that she doesn't get home until 9:00 pm. I'm not "taking her side" or anything, but that's an awfully late work day. I feel horrible for her!
Also if she has straight up told you that you need to learn to seduce her, that is your clue that you aren't going about this the right way if you want a happy sex life. Regardless of your feeling that you are pulling all the weight, your resentment is going to keep you held back from any true intimacy.
So...do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?
