Mulesqb - A Day in Court

[breakaway]

Hey Puppy!! Thanks so much for dropping in with all that is going in your own life. Coach filled me in. So sorry to hear that - but I know how hard you tried from reading your old threads.

I totally agree with your point. I just left my lawyer a message to discuss. I actually have the court running a background check on the neighbor - that will help tremendously.

She is sick. And totally self absorbed.

Strength and Honor.

Holy hell, mules...pathological narcissism. As for what iamlost says, I just gotta say, I don't think they were good and then "changed." They just fake it til they can't anymore. This is the real her, and pathos don't change. Anyone who is jealous of their own children is a narcissist.

Good luck with your kids. I know you'll do great!

[Coach]

Originally Posted By: faithisbelieving
I DO want to shake your hand one day.

You know, I was thinking the EXACT same thing.

Puppy

So let's have the DB golf tournament in Mytle Beach this fall.

[fb2]

<< All of them have improved their grades which is huge as it was a big concern. They look happier and we have set in to a very nice routine at home.
Yup! I had my kids for 3 months continuously and it was exactly like this, more peace, routine, and top grades. In these awful 'sitches' we often have to grapple with the legal vs. moral - the former often trumps the latter. But in your case you have the ball almost entirely in your court with respect to the kids which is a good thing given your W's sick head. Hope you find a cleaner neighborhood soon! Try to build rapport with parents of your kids' friends; assuming they come from good families this will raise your self-esteem and give your kids hope for a better life.

[iamlost]

I would like to shake your hand, too. Or rather give you a hug. I'd be lying if I told you I had never shed a tear reading one of your threads.

You've been such an amazing father to your sons during a situation that was difficult (sometimes impossible) to navigate. Truly, having two boys really old enough to understand everything that's going on...my hands are white knuckled on the keyboard, often, when I read your posts.

Coming from a family with its share of crazy people, I've had several illusions I held about people I love growing up wiped/dashed away when I was a young teenager. My parents believed that honesty was the best policy with us. Looking back, I have to disagree. Ignorance really is bliss as far as kids go.

But your oldest son (and to some extent your middle son) already know the situation--too mature to not figure things out. And it's a lot to deal with.

All of them are quickly forming opinions of what is going on. (No pressure! but you're the parent they can't count on).

Your boys just need to understand that their mother loves them, no matter what bru-ha-ha and evil situation she is currently cooking up. Kids need adults they can depend on to love them. That's it really--what kids need--bonds that won't break. And frankly, however they can feel like she loves them and hasn't abandoned them is the best thing for them, no matter what the truth is.

As for you. In my book, you have won. Not because you won your sons, but because you showed the kind of strength that held and rebuilt yourself in the face of huge loss & destruction.

Do you guys hear a soundtrack swelling behind me?? Cause I could go on and describe Mules. Maybe for the movie version, M?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Originally Posted By: faithisbelieving
I DO want to shake your hand one day.

You know, I was thinking the EXACT same thing.

Puppy

So let's have the DB golf tournament in Mytle Beach this fall.

I'm SO there!!!

[mulesqb]

Hey FIB - How are you?? Sorry - I ended up playing hookie on Fri with S15 and playing golf until baseball started.

One day...when he is a man...you two will go for a walk...and either he'll have questions...or you will want to open up with him. One day, I will do the same with my kids if they ask. THEN...is when they learn more deeply what kind of man you REALLY are. THEN...they will see the ludicrous behavior of your wife...and the piece of CRAP your neighbor was.

I had a talk with my dad yesterday. He said that S15 really opened up to him the other day and told him he'll never, ever forget what I tried to do for the family. There was other stuff but I 'm at work and don't want to get emotional.

I can tell you that I really do feel good right now. I'm in a good place mentally. I attended a parenting apart class last week and it really helped. They gave me a few techniques to use when she is doing all this crap. It will help me not bother with it.

Someday - if she does wake up - she will realize what she missed in these kids' lives. Things you can't get back. I can't imagine how that will make a sane mother feel.

FIB, you know how I tortured myself over serving her. There is no doubt in my mind now that it was the right thing to do. I'm getting healthier and healthier by the day. And so are the kids if she would just wait on the next door thing until we get out of here - it actually doesn't bother me. The initial shock was the closure I needed.

Thanks for posting my dad's words. I have used them many times over the years.

I can't even fathom......I just can't...how the f#$k do people do such selfish horrendous things that hurt their kids.

That is where we lost our M. I tried to support her with this stuff but couldn't keep it up.

Proud.

Thnks so much! It means a lot to me.

Strength and Honor.

[mulesqb]

Holy hell, mules...pathological narcissism. As for what iamlost says, I just gotta say, I don't think they were good and then "changed." They just fake it til they can't anymore. This is the real her, and pathos don't change. Anyone who is jealous of their own children is a narcissist.

Good luck with your kids. I know you'll do great!

Hey Breakaway! How are you?? Thank you. Interesting thought. How long do you think they can fake it?? The reason I ask - I had a talk with her sister last week and she said exactly what you have. She said she's always been very selfish deep down. Your post hit home.

I hope you are well!

Strength and Honor.

[mulesqb]

Yup! I had my kids for 3 months continuously and it was exactly like this, more peace, routine, and top grades. In these awful 'sitches' we often have to grapple with the legal vs. moral - the former often trumps the latter. But in your case you have the ball almost entirely in your court with respect to the kids which is a good thing given your W's sick head. Hope you find a cleaner neighborhood soon! Try to build rapport with parents of your kids' friends; assuming they come from good families this will raise your self-esteem and give your kids hope for a better life.

Thanks FB2! You hit it right on the head. The focus now is on the kids and getting out of here. Thanks for the advice about the friends parents. I coach all of them in baseball and basketball, so we all know each other very well. Most of them knew what was going on as STBXW was never at the games. They all have been incredibly supportive and helpful. Every one of them.

[/quote]

[mulesqb]

I would like to shake your hand, too. Or rather give you a hug. I'd be lying if I told you I had never shed a tear reading one of your threads.

You've been such an amazing father to your sons during a situation that was difficult (sometimes impossible) to navigate. Truly, having two boys really old enough to understand everything that's going on...my hands are white knuckled on the keyboard, often, when I read your posts.

Coming from a family with its share of crazy people, I've had several illusions I held about people I love growing up wiped/dashed away when I was a young teenager. My parents believed that honesty was the best policy with us. Looking back, I have to disagree. Ignorance really is bliss as far as kids go.

But your oldest son (and to some extent your middle son) already know the situation--too mature to not figure things out. And it's a lot to deal with.

All of them are quickly forming opinions of what is going on. (No pressure! but you're the parent they can't count on).

Your boys just need to understand that their mother loves them, no matter what bru-ha-ha and evil situation she is currently cooking up. Kids need adults they can depend on to love them. That's it really--what kids need--bonds that won't break. And frankly, however they can feel like she loves them and hasn't abandoned them is the best thing for them, no matter what the truth is.

As for you. In my book, you have won. Not because you won your sons, but because you showed the kind of strength that held and rebuilt yourself in the face of huge loss & destruction.

Do you guys hear a soundtrack swelling behind me?? Cause I could go on and describe Mules. Maybe for the movie version, M?

Lost - OK - I'm at work and trying not to get emotional and now we're even as you made me shed a tear.

The honesty/ignorance issue is very real and one I often struggle with. Last night she showed up an hour and a half late to take them out and they didn't want to go. She started in with them that she drove all the way up here and if they don't want to spend time with her then she'll just leave. So I pulled the kids aside and spoke to them. I don't think it was an issue where they didn't want to see her. It was just that they were tired and had a long day and wanted to relax. When they came home she parked her car across the street and slept in one of their houses. Whatever.

I bought them some wrestling pay per view that they wanted so they just focused on that. And quite honestly, it put me right to sleep!

Thanks SO much for the kind words. This place and Michele's books and friends and family. That's what it has been about for me. And my dad's words and the "strength and honor". I think everyone has to have stuff and people to lean on. And then there are the kids. They are worth whatever you have to go through.

I have learned so much here about myself and relationships. I am thinking a lot about a happier relationship with someone. Actually had a date on Saturday night at the coercion of my family. They think it's time. I went and really enjoyed myself with a really great woman. We'll see where it goes from there.

Strength and Honor.

[mulesqb]

I'm SO there!!!

As usual Puppy - you have the perfect words for the sitch! I am SO there too! Would love to meet all of you. I told all of you in the beginning, no matter what my outcome - I want to buy you a beer!