2inlimbo, could you tell me more about that Love Dare thing? My 180 is patently driving my husband crazy-and in none of the ways I wanted. He`s gotten even more aloof(even though that didn`t seem possible as he was pretty withdrawn as it is!)
It`s given me great perspective however and has made me really calm instead of being the reactive haranguing wife he`s had in the past.
And I`ve just thought today that maybe that`s what`s making him more aloof. PA people need a co dependent to express the anger they have but cannot express openly. They just love to push our buttons. I think that`s why H exploded which such bizarre behaviour last Friday(locked me out of my bedroom totally out of the blue). He`s just doing anything to get me mad and is jealous that I am actually thriving.
It would be a complete 180 for me to give him dinner tonight-and, i suspect, a bit of a Love Dare thing? I`ve refused to feed him since last November. But he`s not coping. He`s not eating properly, he looks wretched and I`m begining to think is somewhat depressed. I`m really at breaking point myself with all of this. Finding it so so so difficult to even want to stay married to him. I`m only feeding him because I hate to see him suffering.
It does sap my joy too when I see the look of contempt on his face.But I make damn sure he hears me happy-whistling in the shower(I`m a lousy whistler but you get the picture) laughing with the kids, chatting merrily on the phone.
I think PA types need us to be miserable. They need us to feel as miserable as themselves. I just have a theory that maybe, maybe we drive them to breaking point when they realise they cannot control our emotions, our lives. And maybe they need to hit that breaking point to come into a more honest relationship with us.
I don`t know, but I`ll keep you posted on how I`m doing.
