Morning K... I couldnt sleep either last night. Same, I wasnt upser or hadnt eaten anything wierd, just couldnt switch my mind off. I think you should lie low today, I'm feeling like I want to lie very low. I hope you are ok. This is interesting http://juliedemboski.wordpress.com/ if you need inspiration!
Just caught up after the weekend. It does seem that you are at a crossroads right now. I hope that you can envision a happy life for yourself, whether your H wants to come along for the ride or not. My point is, please just live for you and don't worry about what he does or doesn't do anymore. You're on your own, anyway.
So, one of the best things you can do for yourself, for the kids, and to inspire your H to take notice of you rather than his work, is to LIVE FOR YOU. Fill each day with what you love to do, stay busy and social. Finding more joy will make you sparkle and shine. It will lift you out of this gray patch. It will help you daydream about what CAN be.
When you start to live more happily, your H will have an easier time seeing what he's missing out on (whether you care anymore if he notices or not). When you start to live more happily, your kids will be happier too.
I hope that you reach a more peaceful place very soon. Your journey has been a long and difficult one!
Lucky
P.S. Something that works for me when I can't sleep: Keep a radio with headset next to your bed, and put the headphones on, tune into a talk show on a very low volume. The topic will get your mind off what is keeping you up, and the low murmuring voices will lull you to sleep!
Sorry, was away for a long weekend. Just caught up.
I'm so sorry he has been jerking you around again. Really, you know my opinion on this. M is worth saving but not at the expense of your own sanity and wellbeing.
Love and hugs to you!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Lucky, I was "there", at my happy place last spring and then last summer more so. And he probably noticed and that's why he wanted back. But he wasnt ready for the work. Unlike what you said on your thread about your H, my H is immature and very caught up in himself right now. Bill is right. Very very selfish and what kills me, with NO compassion. I dont know why that hurts me so much. Probably because I still think he is better than that.
I dont want him to come "join me" if he sees something he likes. When we "mix" my mojo is lost. Ruined. Gone. He doesnt make me want to become better. He makes me feel undesired, unwanted, a bitch, unattractive, mean etc etc He is bad for me. Thanks K
I'm so sorry to hear about H's behavior. He is self-absorbed for sure and until he can unravel his own issues, he'll continue to blame you instead of looking at himself.
As Kerry said, you have a tough road ahead of you. Either you will continue to stick it out and keep holding out for him to finally "get it" or you will move forward w/out him. Either way will be painful and difficult, but only you can decide which path to choose and when.
There will be regrets either way as there is no way forward for any of us w/out regrets. However, we can all use our past to grow for the future.
For you and your children, I can only pray your H will be able to do what is right. However, I too am losing hope in him as well. I hate to say it, but H's road to discovering himself looks to be very, very long.
I will admit that he is making small bits of progress, especially w/his realization he can't handle two jobs any more. That is huge, but I wonder if it is too little too late for your M.
K, It seems to me that you need to take some "very smart decisive action" or what FG calls a "pointed position" to get out of Limboland, one way or another. Waiting for a sign from above, for Mars to line up with Uranus or for this or that to happen first is how we all got to this point - not seeing the writing on the wall for what it is, getting to the bottom of it quickly and doing something positive and concerted. In short you've got to make what you want happen - not by force but by some positive actions or you'll be stuck here in neutral until someone or something else decides for you.
