The only reason I am able to entertain building a slice of heaven is because my H is emotionally mature and because he wants the same end goal: a happy marriage and a happy family.
I chose to marry my H knowing there was little intimacy, knowing that I had a big mountain to climb. That was not smart, as I do believe that two responsible adults should work out recognizable issues before marriage. I was weighing the benefits and risks, and I underestimated my need for intimacy and overestimated my magical powers to make him want me, and I doubted that I could stand a lifetime without it. When deciding to marry him, I told myself that needing sex was just reducing myself to an animal. I would punish myself for those wants, telling myself to use my intelligence, throw away the emotions, and get my head out of my crotch. After all, there was a good man at stake who made me happy in so many other ways. I was immature, and I rationalized foolishly so that I wouldn't have to suffer losing him. I also didn't want to go back out there, kissing toads. Hopefully, this phase of work is going to be a sort of productive penance rather than continuing to pay through starvation.
For now, I hope that you create your own slice of heaven by filling your days with your favorite things and activities. As long as you are having fun and doing what you love, you will attract others who want to join in. If no one happens to come along, at least you're having fun and loving yourself!
