Could use some insight...long...

[volleydog]

Journaling…
Wow found myself back on the rollercoaster this weekend…Made what now looks like a big backslide. Friday as I was picking up the kids from W house she had had a big load of mulch delivered.

Me: That looks like it will be a lot of work, you could probably use some help.
W: Yeah that would be nice.
Me: Well after D’s bball game tomorrow we’ll come over and I’ll give you a hand.
W: Thanks

So I wasn’t sure if she was going to make it to the game she was on call the night before and usually doesn’t get much sleep. She calls about 5 minutes before it starts to let me know she’s on her way. She gets there just as it starts and actually sits next to me, which she hasn’t done in forever, usually there’s a kid in between or she sits in front of me. Game goes on lots of chatting between us. S then says something about us coming over after the game.
W: So you guys are coming over
Me: Sure I told you I’d give you a hand.
W: I just don’t want you to feel like you have to.
Me: I don’t.

So I get over there and basically she wouldn’t “let me” help. After about 15minutes told her well it looks like you’ve got this covered so the K’s and I are going to take off.
Later on she calls to say goodnight to the kids. She tells me that nothing new has really happened since this morning, I say ok I’ll let you go…Then she starts talking about how soar she’s going to be in the morning, NEXT mistake on my part…I said well I did come over to help. She said yeah I know next time I just need to have another wheelbarrow. Chatted for another 10 minutes and I told her I had to go to get the kids ready for bed.

I just hate this limbo land I feel like sometimes things are getting better but then I look back and think maybe not. She doesn’t ever really ask about what I’m doing never invites me to do things with her and the kids, ect…Part of me wants to just say lets either go forward with the D or start working on the M on or the other…

I just need to snap out of this funk.