It is frustrating to read your posts, because you seem to be leaving your fate up to your H. And then you ask US what to do, without giving us much of an indication of what you want your goal to be.
We can't dictate your desires or your actions. I know that you understand this.
All you can do is be truthful with your H and tell him that you are trying to process everything, and that you are sorry for your part in this. And then hole up and think more about what YOU want, with or without him.
I would also advise to stop talking so much with your H about this situation, because you don't have much to discuss until you have your goals set. If you are pushing him to make your decision for you, you will likely drive him out the door. Therefore, your best "look" right now would be to be kind and pleasant and fun to be with.
Don't push anything until you know which way you want to push.
