Maria, that is good,simple is good, fluidity is good, having a general aim is far better than some set ideal, after all I think we have all learnt that life doesn't pan out the way we think it will, or even how we hope it will.
The main thing is to keep moving, inch by inch or centimetre by centimetre if you prefer, sometimes it seems like it's easier to just stand on the rock and silently mouth help. I don't think thats you, having just typed it I think it was me May your God be with you and keep you safe. So very many people are supporting you in word and prayer.
Maria - your ability to grasp the English idiom never fails to amaze me!!!
OK- I will put this in a particular way:-
You have been "interrogated" by many people, me included, to see if there is anything that you are doing that is 'contributing' to your H's reactions to you...time and time again your responses indicate that is not the case...that indeed you are offering nothing apart from kindness, friendship, understanding and compassion. Indeed, you have offered all of that in bucket loads!!!
Maria, as much as you must want all of this to work out,it must feel as if its becoming all the more unobtainable...
I am never, ever going to be the kind of person who says to you to throw in the towel (give up) but your friends here do understand the point that you have got to.
Your H seems to be incapable of sorting out some priorities for himself and seems to value his work over all other things - despite your efforts - no man needs 2 full time jobs - one is quite sufficient!
I guess you have tried to understand that need - and came up with?
Nothing?
The only thing i can come up with is to be "needed" to be "valued" and an inability to be valued within his other relationships or R...K thats not to say that you don't value you H - obviously you do...its HIS problem with feeling this...I wonder about his value systems - that his esteem is achieved through "doing work for money/esteem" rather than doing "work" for you...
Peculiarly, as I have posted this - that is where I was 3/4/5years ago -placing far greater importance upon my work as my source of validation than I should have...
Simon, I am far from the ideal loving wife at the moment. I am a hurt, hesitant, stressed, worried, tired, scared, disappointed woman. That is what Ali sees and knows. And he does too. But I AM doing half the work under the circumstances. I cant say I am happy and that I trust him or that I believe every word he says or that I like the way he prioritizes his life.
BUT I dont try to manipulate him or change him or MAKE him do things he doesnt feel like doing. Others may think I should. I dont. I think he should move closer to me because he wants to and is able to. I am all for free will. Otherwise I would be setting myself up for another bomb down the road. He doesnt choose me. I keep waiting and wishing getting frustrated. It isnt working.
I am more than sure he will regret it. And this is beyond what all LBSs say about their WAS. He is the type of man that will. Because he is not making a concious choice NOT to give his love to me (granted it exists). He is just choosing the easy way to handle me. IGNORE me. It's what he has learned to do. But I "unlearned" to be ignored. Thank God. As a result he gets frustrated because he feels me resisting and I get frustrated because I feel ignored. Fine. He had a lot of time. It is what it is. K
Anyway, this is a big week, Pluto squares Venus and Mars, both conjunct in Aries! Dont ask me what will happen, but it will be something significant, I can feel it. Its not your fault, you can lead a horse to water...
Hey Gorgeous ! Just stopping in to check on you, & offer support.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
