Thanks so much for the response, I've enjoyed each one so much! I do feel like I'm taking ownership of my errors with H, but certainly there's more work to be done. I try to journal about that stuff, and if I ever get another chance I know I need to let H be himself, not control or nag, and respect him for all the ways he's different than me. Those differences and the similarities as well brought us together... and maybe they'll bring us back together again. Time will tell.
I have not contacted a L. I did feel like that would be getting ahead of the sitch, but perhaps not. I've got some folks at work that have been down this path. I'll see if I can get a referral. Good thought.
I do have a C and started the AD's 10 days ago. I think both are helping my PMA a lot. I will look into the DB coaching... I am totally sold on this method... it may not save my M, but if it doesn't I'll come out the other side healthier. And if any technique can help save the M, I believe this is it.
Today should have been a tough day but I came through it pretty well. My H's work has a 'end of season' party at one of the ski areas every year. I didn't go, of course, and went to my S's BBall tournament out of town instead. The games kept my mind off of all the memories of years past, and I didn't obsess too much about whether H took OW along or not. Out of my control. If my DB'g works effectively, maybe next year's party will be different.
Oh, and the suggestion for auditioning is spot-on. I did some theater in HS and always wanted to try again. That would be a huge leap for me, but yes, working back staqe would be a fun way to get back into it. Excellent idea!
