Saving a Military Marriage.... 4

[FitChik]

I'm expecting him not to visit me. I have no reason to assume otherwise.

I had a good weekend. I went hiking on Sat - which was a killer uphill hike and no view at the top b/c of fog & clouds! But still a great workout. I worked night shift last night and managed to squeeze in a few hours of sleep this morning. I am looking forward to crashing hard soon.

I'm in a weird place right now. I still have a strong spirit/conviction to stand for our M and hope for a miracle. At the same time I have big doubts about my H and the type of man he would be in our M. He clearly has a lot of personal issues to sort through and I honestly doubt he will - maybe never. I know there is nothing I can do for that and it breaks my heart. I am having a lot of anger & hard feelings towards him right now.

For myself I am not ready to give up on our M.... but the realistic part of me is accepting that nothing has changed in our sitch for months now. My H still wants a D and has given me no reasons to think otherwise. So what am I holding onto or fighting for? However the sanctity of M is very important to me and I find it difficult to completely let go. I am stuck in the wonderful land of limbo.

I have sought God's will & guidance all along and I will continue to do so. I am at the end of my LONG fast and He has done wonderful things through me. I have learned a lot and have a much stronger faith & understanding of God. I know God will continue to speak & guide me. I just need to be patient! Oh how I would love to see the master plans......